


let me keep this memory.

by pyroallerdyce



Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [186]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23688349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/pyroallerdyce
Summary: He doesn't know who he is.  He knows that he was once Kylo Ren because all the memories he has are of him wreaking death and destruction across the planet.  The people that are surrounding him now, the people that were Kylo's enemies, are all telling him that he is Ben Solo, the latest in a Force-sensitive bloodline that spans back generations.  He has former Jedi for a grandfather and uncle, a grandmother and mother who are former senators, and a father that's done nothing but fight his whole life, first in the military and now for the Resistance.  But he doesn't remember any of them.He remembers her though.  The Force had connected them when he was Kylo Ren, and it's still connecting them now.  She's just as strong in the Force as he is, but she's scared and alone, exactly what he currently feels.  Their connection deepens because of it, neither knowing that they have a shared destiny that must be fulfilled or the planet will fall to the First Order.or: my modern with the Force AU that borrows elements from the sequel trilogy but is not the sequel trilogy.  something like that.(updates on Tuesdays usually, but not every week.)
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [186]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601755
Comments: 9
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> um, hi. I have a majorly fucked up back at the moment, but I had this idea a couple of days ago about a man who is missing half his memories and the half he remembers he wants to forget. I don't know where it came from, but it might be me just remembering something that I've read once, so if I've stolen the idea, sorry. I've also wanted to try writing a modern AU but with the Force for ages, and before I knew it, I had combined the two ideas and had an entire outline/summary written in two and a half hours. So this idea won't leave me alone, and I know I'm writing like nine hundred different things at the moment that are sorely in need of attention since I haven't been able to write anything, but I ignored the pain and got this written today because I needed the first bit out of my head before I forgot it. 
> 
> I'll be honest, I'm fucking terrified of posting this. touching Star Wars canon is something I never want to do, and while this is a modern AU, it will borrow similar scenarios from the films and so, therefore, fucking terrified. Also, I'm not an expert on the Force or anything so I'm just writing whatever the hell I want. I'm probably going to get ten billion things wrong and all of that, but I am changing it and not just copying the films' scenes, so there's that. But yeah, fucking terrified.
> 
> New chapters will be posted on Tuesdays. Do not count on one every week.
> 
> and as always, if you like what you read, please let me know via a comment or kudos or bookmark so that I know I'm not writing into a void. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Fucking terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this after posting to switch sections 3 & 4 because I realized I wrote them out of order, so what was section 3 here is now second 4 in chapter two and vice versa.

**.prologue**

At the turn of the millennium, a war was brewing. The First Order had risen to prominence with their Supreme Leader, the dark side Force user Snoke, ordering terror attacks all over the planet. The attacks had been getting larger in scale and deadlier in scope, and while the governments of the world held summits to try and devise a plan to combat them, a Resistance had formed to fight the evil organization. With the Jedi Order formally disbanded fifteen years earlier, the Resistance was currently the only organization fighting to restore peace in the world. 

At the heart of the Resistance was the extended Skywalker family. Anakin Skywalker was its patriarch, a former Jedi who had nearly been tempted to the dark side in the years before his children were born. His wife Padmé was a former senator who now helped to run the Resistance. Their daughter Leia was a former senator like her mother, and together the two of them ran the organization with military precision. Leia’s twin brother Luke was a former Jedi like his father who now helped to train the young Force users that joined the Resistance’s cause. And Leia’s husband Han Solo was a general, planning out and then leading attacks on known First Order bases in the search for Snoke. 

There was one member of the family that didn't fight for the Resistance, however. 

Leia and Han’s son Ben had been seduced to the dark side by Snoke five years earlier, taking on the name Kylo Ren and leaving a trail of death and destruction in his wake. With Snoke hidden away, Kylo was the public face of the First Order’s reign of terror, an imposing, masked figure that the world’s population feared. Kylo’s command of the dark side of the Force was stronger than any the world had seen since the days of Sheev Palpatine’s attempts at global domination. Palpatine had been the one who had nearly tempted Anakin to the dark side, and not a day went by when Anakin didn't wish that Ben had been able to resist Snoke the way he had resisted Palpatine. 

Palpatine’s attempts had been ended thirty years earlier, him dying in the explosion of his secret base near Endor during the final battle of the war. A body was never found in the rubble, but he had not been heard from since, nor had he been detected by any member of the Jedi, so it was thought that the explosion had destroyed any trace of him. Yet in the previous months, Anakin had begun to sense that the dark side of the Force was growing stronger, and he was convinced that was he was feeling more than just Snoke and his grandson. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi told Anakin to calm himself every time it was brought up. He felt that Anakin was just reliving his experience with Palpatine since Ben had gone through something similar with Snoke. Qui-Gon Jinn agreed with Obi-Wan, saying it was almost like survivor’s guilt, and the great Master Yoda had told Anakin not to worry as it would distract him from the objective at hand. 

Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Yoda were three former members of the Jedi who had joined the Resistance’s cause, each knowing that peace must be restored to the planet. The Jedi Order had been disbanded by the Council of Nations fifteen years earlier, citing there no longer being a need for them after there being no instances of a dark side attack after Palpatine’s defeat. The Jedi Council tried to argue that they were needed for peacekeeping, but the Council of Nations voted for dissolution unanimously. The Jedi followed orders and disbanded, but several former members had joined the Resistance’s fight, chief among them being the three former members of the Jedi Council. 

The priority of the Resistance was stopping the First Order, but the members of the Resistance’s operating council had a secondary objective. 

Redeem Ben Solo. 

**.1**

Rey swallowed hard as they neared the building that was the objective. She'd joined the Resistance after the First Order nearly destroyed her home city of Jakku, but this was her first mission and she was very nervous. The group of former Jedi who had been training her since discovering she was Force-sensitive had assured her that she could complete her part of this mission, and she was determined not to fail them.

She definitely didn't want to disappoint the legendary Luke Skywalker, the former Jedi that had been training her one-on-one for the past several months. She still wasn't sure why she was getting such special treatment because none of the other young Force users were training one-on-one with anyone, but she was too scared to ask.

The entrance to the building came into view and Rey started going over what she was supposed to do. Turn at the first right. Go to the third left, then down two rights. The generator room should be the first door on the left. Go in, use the Force to pull down the circular disk on the ceiling. That would take down the shields, and then she needed to flip every red lever on the generators. That would take the base offline, turning off their communications and security measures. That was what she was supposed to do. That was what she was going to do. Rey took several deep breaths to center herself. Her nerves were not going to get the better of her.

Which is precisely why when she got into the base, her nerves took over and she took the third right instead of the third left.

As she went down the hall looking for the second right, he turned a corner and came into view. The all-black clothing and full-face mask made Rey freeze, terror rushing through her.

Kylo Ren.

“Well, what do we have here?” Kylo asked, heading towards her. “A member of the Resistance just wandering the halls.”

Rey tried to turn and run, finding that she couldn't move. Frozen by the Force, something that she should have thought to do to Kylo before he could do it to her. Of course, she was still barely trained and Kylo had a much greater command of the Force than she did. She probably wouldn't have been able to hold him.

An officer turned a corner and saw the scene, and Kylo spoke to him without turning around. “There are Resistance in the base. Sound the alarm.”

The officer turned and ran as Kylo reached Rey, shaking his head. “I would have thought the Resistance would send someone who wasn't a child to do the job you were supposed to do.”

“I'm not a child,” Rey got out, making Kylo laugh.

“When it comes to using the Force, you are but a babe,” Kylo said, delving deeper into her mind. “Don't be scared. I won't hurt you.”

“Forgive me if I don't believe that,” Rey forced herself to say. She was not going to give in to him easily. He would have to fight to do what he wanted to her. 

Kylo laughed again and waved his hand, reaching out to catch Rey as she fell limply into his arms. “You have spirit. I like that.”

Kylo turned and headed back in the direction in which he came, listening to the sound of the alarm. It echoed through the halls all the way to the interrogation room, and as he reached its door, the alarm suddenly stopped. Kylo smiled as he walked inside. 

The Resistance fools had been taken care of.

He set Rey in the interrogation chair and then did up the bonds, sitting down across from her and waking her up. Rey struggled against the bonds immediately, making Kylo shake his head. “You're not going to get out of those.”

“Watch me,” Rey spit back at him, continuing to struggle until she was frozen by the Force again. “Release me.”

“Not until I get what I want,” Kylo said, reaching up and taking off his mask. “And I will get what I want.”

Rey felt fear course through her. He could abuse her. He could violate her. He could kill her. 

He could do literally anything to her.

“I plan to do none of that, so you can calm yourself,” Kylo said as he set the mask to the side. “I only want information from you.”

“I don't believe you.”

“Then don't.” Kylo stood and approached the chair, reaching out to use the Force to extract what he wanted from her mind. “You surely have the location of at least one Resistance base, perhaps even the main one if you're a Force user. That is something I definitely want.”

Rey focused all her energy on resisting him as she felt him enter her mind, doing everything that Luke had taught her to do. Kylo pushed harder but Rey countered him, and in the end, he started laughing.

“Taught by Luke Skywalker, I see. You need a much better teacher than that.”

“And who would that be?”

“I can show you the ways of the Force much better than that old fool,” Kylo said, delving into her mind again. “But he taught you mind shields well. Did he teach you that the more exhausted you are physically, the less able you are to form them?”

Rey suddenly heard Luke's teachings echo through her mind and she sucked in a breath. “So you aren't going to allow me to rest, are you?”

“Of course not,” Kylo said, walking back to where he had set his mask. “Good luck trying to close your eyes, kid. I will return later.”

Rey watched as he put the mask back on and walked out of the room, and then she felt herself released from the hold that he'd had on her. She struggled against her bonds again, trying to use the Force to undo them, but she could tell that they had been specifically designed to keep the Force from releasing them. After a while, she slumped into the chair and let out a frustrated scream. 

This was not at all what was supposed to happen, and now the location of the base would be revealed, and then it would be attacked, and it would be all her fault.

She didn't know how she'd ever face anyone in the Resistance again if any of them even survived what was about to happen.

**.2**

Rey had been sitting there for hours, unable to close her eyes even to blink, and she was more exhausted than she thought she'd ever been in her life. She felt every second go by as she waited for Kylo to walk back into the room and take from her what she did not want to give, damning everyone she had come to care about to a fate that she couldn't even think about. And yet, all she wanted was for him to come back into the room and get the information because then she might be able to close her eyes and finally get some rest.

If he didn't kill her, which he probably would. He'd have no use for her then.

The door opened but Rey averted her eyes. She might not be able to resist much, but she was going to do as much as she could.

And then she heard her name.

Her eyes flew to the other side of the room where Han Solo stood tucking a gun into his belt, a stolen First Order officer's uniform on his body. A man she'd never seen before closed the door quickly before walking to the chair and beginning to undo the bonds and Rey had never been so relieved in her life. 

“How?” was all she could manage to ask, and Han gave her a wry smile. 

“Yoda, of course,” he said, looking around the room. “Finn, we've got to hurry.”

“Almost done,” Finn said, and Rey wracked her brain for a memory of meeting him. She'd felt like she'd met everyone at the base by now.

The bonds suddenly fell away and Rey practically fell out of the chair, Finn reaching out to catch her. She settled herself back on her feet, murmured a thank you, and then turned to Han. “How are we getting out of here?”

“That is where Finn comes in,” Han said, walking over to her and wrapping an arm around her waist. “You look exhausted, kid.”

“He wouldn't let me sleep,” was all Rey could manage as Finn opened the door.

“Follow me. As quickly as possible.”

Han walked with Rey out of the room and they headed after Finn. Rey walked as fast as she could, but she couldn't help but feel she was slowing them down, that it would be better for them to go without her, but Han's arm tightened around her waist every time she stumbled. He wasn't going to leave her even though she was far more expendable to the Resistance than a general like Han Solo was.

Finn led them to a door, punched in a code, and then the door opened and Rey saw that it led out of the building. She took a deep breath of the fresh air as they quickly moved towards a waiting car. Finn helped Rey into the backseat as Han got in the passenger's, and then the car was speeding off. Rey looked to the driver's seat and saw Poe Dameron there, and she let out a small chuckle. “Thanks, Poe.”

“Anytime, Rey,” Poe said, making a hard right and then increasing their speed.

“Luke wants to see you immediately when we get back,” Han said. “He wants to know what Kylo learned from you.”

“Nothing,” Rey murmured. “He got nothing out of me beyond my fear.”

“You sure, kid?”

Rey took a deep breath and settled against the seat, feeling like crying when she realized she could close her eyes. “I'm sure.”

**.3**

“The girl escaped,” Snoke said slowly, and Kylo knew that he was not going to like what he was going to say next. “You assured me that she was under your complete control.”

“She had help,” Kylo explained. “One of our officers defected and helped a Resistance general enter the base, rescue the girl, and then the officer and the general escaped with her.”

Snoke just shook his head. “Who the officer was is of little consequence. He'll be dead soon enough. Which general was it?”

“The girl escaped with Han Solo, Supreme Leader.”

“Your father,” Snoke mused after a moment. “And you didn't sense him on base.”

“No,” Kylo admitted. “I did not. I was concentrating too much on the girl and I did not sense that he was here until he arrived at the interrogation room. By the time that anyone was able to reach the room, the room was empty and they had slipped out an unguarded side door without any notice.”

“Why were you concentrating so much on the girl? You should have retrieved the information necessary from her and then killed her.”

“She is gifted at mind shields. I was concentrating on her because I was weakening her up so that I could penetrate her mind and retrieve the information. It takes a little effort to just freeze someone's eyelids and not their entire person.”

Snoke laughed. “And why exactly would you want to just freeze her eyelids?”

“As I said, to weaken her. If she cannot close her eyes, then she cannot rest. She was very close to the state I wanted her in. I was planning on returning to the interrogation room as soon as I was finished with that ridiculous meeting that Hux dragged me into.” Kylo didn't hide his disdain for Armitage Hux from the tone of his voice. “I don't know why that fool seems to think I need to be involved in plans for an attack that I'm not taking part in.”

“He believes you to be under his command, that's why,” Snoke said, picking up the tablet that Kylo had brought him. “And his errand boy.”

“He is lucky that I don't take his head off.”

“You do that and I will take off yours,” Snoke said seriously. “You may not have a use for Hux, but I do. He manages to tell me all kinds of interesting news about the Resistance, such as what is on this tablet you have brought me.”

“And what news is this?” Kylo asked.

“The Resistance is planning an attack on our base in Mustafar. Their plan of withdrawal after the attack is not to return to their main base, which we are beginning to suspect is in Yavin, but to their base in Crait. And that is where you are going.”

Kylo's eyes widened. “If they are attacking the base in Mustafar,” he started, but Snoke cut him off.

“Hux and the rest of the army are well placed to take care of Mustafar. You will take several battalions and go to Crait. Wait for them to arrive there and then attack an hour later. We believe that the leadership of the Resistance will either be there waiting for them or be with them when they arrive. This is a chance to wipe out the Resistance once and for all. Then we can turn our attention to the feeble governments and their response.”

Kylo knew that Snoke was waiting for any response from him that would show weakness towards his family. But he did not have a weakness towards his family. If anything, he wanted to be the one that killed them. “Then the mission's goal will be achieved.”

“You must be vigilant at all times. I sense that you will meet your equal soon and you must bring them over to the dark side. The two of you will then be two of the highest in the new system of governance that we will be implementing once all these silly attempts at stopping us are over. Positions directly underneath me.”

“My equal?” Kylo said, surprised. “Why would I have an equal?”

“So that they may help us achieve our goals,” Snoke said, flicking through the tablet and clicking on some screens. “Which is why I stress to you that you must bring them over to the dark side. They will be very important.”

“Then I will not fail you.”

“You never do, Kylo Ren,” Snoke said, motioning for him to rise. “Though I would like you to pay a little more attention the next time you have a Resistance Force user strapped into an interrogation chair, whether you are trying to weaken them or not.”

Kylo nodded. “Yes, Supreme Leader. I will do so.”

“Then go and rest for a while.”

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” Kylo bowed and turned, and he was almost to the throne room's doors when he heard Snoke call out his name. “Yes, Supreme Leader?” 

“When you're at Crait, if you see this officer that defected, do take his head off for me.”

Kylo grinned. “I will be more than happy to do so.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed the summary. feel better about it.
> 
> I edited this after posting to switch sections 3 & 4 because I realized I wrote them out of order, so what was section 4 here is now second 3 in chapter one and vice versa.

**.4**

After Rey's ordeal, Luke began to train her harder than he had before. Nothing had been said to her yet, but all the former Jedi had noticed how deep her power went and they all knew she needed to be as trained as she could possibly be. Her being able to keep Kylo from delving deep into her mind had only been the beginning. Luke was determined that if Rey ever came face-to-face with Kylo again, she would be able to resist him fully.

The others weren't sure if that was possible, but Luke was determined to at least try.

He kept her to a vigorous routine, starting with a session early in the morning, then a short break for lunch, followed by an even longer session in the afternoon. Her command of the Force grew with every session, her abilities with a lightsaber already excellent because of her defending herself with a staff while living in Jakku, and the mind shields she was now capable of putting up were extraordinary. 

There was only one student Luke had ever had that was capable of what Rey was now exhibiting, and he was currently walking around with the name Kylo Ren.

Luke was in the middle of a practice lightsaber fight with Rey when he noticed his father slip into the room, and he immediately stopped things. Rey turned and saw Anakin there and meekly said hello, making Anakin smile.

“Rey, I am no different than you. We are Force users who live in the side of light, and that makes us equals.”

“I don't know that I'll ever believe that, but thank you,” Rey said softly before turning to Luke. “Is it possible that I can go take a nap? I am very tired.”

Luke looked at his father and saw Anakin give a slight nod, so he smiled at her. “Of course, Rey. I have been pushing you quite hard this week. Let's take the rest of the day off and you get some rest.”

“Thank you, Master Skywalker,” Rey said, nodding briefly before walking from the room.

Luke turned to Anakin once the door was closed. “What is it?”

“We have our secondary objective, and we will do whatever we can to fulfill it,” Anakin started. “But your sister believes that if she reaches out through the Force to Ben, it will be enough to turn him back to the light.”

“That would kill Leia,” Luke said seriously.

“That's what I told her, but she doesn't want to listen to me. I was hoping that you would be able to help convince her that this would cost her her life.”

“Of course, Dad,” Luke said, walking towards the door. “Where is she?”

“Command center. Han and Padmé are there trying to tell her what a terrible idea this is,” Anakin said, following him. “How is training Rey going?”

“She grows in strength every day. Her command is now extraordinary. It's like I'm training Ben all over again.”

“I cannot believe that a girl that strong in the Force was never noticed,” Anakin murmured. “You know that we tried to find as many Force-sensitive children as we could for the academy.”

“Thank God for that academy the Council of Nations allowed us to set up, or we'd be in bigger trouble than we are,” Luke murmured. “But yes, it is strange that Rey was never noticed. It's like the Force didn't awaken in her until she was here. She had no inkling that she was Force-sensitive.”

“Why would the Force wait until this moment to awaken within her?” Anakin mused. “I shall pose that question to Master Yoda. He might have some sort of idea.”

“Let me know what he says,” Luke said as they approached the command center.

“As soon as I know, you will know,” Anakin said.

“Leia!” Luke called out when he was close enough. “I am not going to let you do something stupid and get yourself killed.”

“But I had a premonition,” Leia explained. “It is the only way.”

“No, Leia, it is not,” Luke said, walking up to her and hugging her. “Sister, listen to me. I love Ben as much as you do, but what good is redeeming him if you are not here to enjoy your son?”

“But Luke...”

“Premonitions can be wrong,” Anakin pointed out. “I had one that your mother would die in childbirth and that obviously did not happen.”

Leia took in a shuddering breath. “I know that you're right. I do. But...”

“No, Leia,” Padmé said firmly. “You're not doing this. Projecting yourself like that will kill you, and I'm not going to let you do it.”

Leia sighed. “I just want my son back.”

“I know you do, Leia. I want my son back too. We all want Ben back. But this is not the way to do it,” Han said firmly. “Do not cost me both my wife and my son.”

Leia pulled away from Luke after a few moments and nodded. “I won't do it unless we are down to our last resort. Then it is at least worth a try.”

“Last resort only,” Luke declared. “And we are the ones who get to decide when it is the last resort, not you.”

“Luke...”

“He's right, Leia. You will do it whenever you want if you don't agree to this,” Anakin said. “And I don't want to lose my daughter.”

“Leia,” Padmé said softly. “Please. I can't lose you.”

Leia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to speak with Jyn and Cassian. They're about to leave on a mission to Jedha to see what they can find.”

Leia walked away, leaving Anakin shaking his head and Luke with his eyes closed. “I do hope that she listens,” Anakin said softly. “Because we will lose her if she doesn't.”

“I'll keep an eye on her,” Padmé murmured. “I think I'll know if she's doing it.”

“I'll keep as close of an eye on her as I can as well,” Han said. “Because I'll be damned if I let her do this.”

Luke nodded. “I'll meditate on it. I'll know when she wants to try.”

“Then we should all get back to work,” Padmé said, and everyone agreed.

Luke was beginning to walk back towards the training rooms when Anakin called out to him. “Luke? Is she ready?”

Luke paused and thought about it. “No. Something is missing still.”

Anakin sighed. “If she is as powerful as we think she is, if she has the command you say she does, she might be our only hope against him.”

“I know,” Luke said, looking back at his father. “And I will let you know when I think she's ready.”

“That's all I can ask.”

Luke nodded and walked away, his thoughts concentrated on Rey. There was still a piece missing from her abilities, but the fact that something was missing made little sense to him. He'd felt this before, inexplicably there being a piece missing in a student, but he never thought he'd feel it again and it worried him. 

The only other time he'd felt that was when he was training Ben Solo.

**.5**

Rey was floating in the middle of her room, eyes closed and focused on her breathing, when she felt the air around her change. At first, she thought that the door had been opened but then realized she hadn't heard it do so, and so she opened her eyes and dropped to the floor hard at what she saw. Her room was gone and replaced with an empty one of pristine white. Looking around, she could tell that it was the same size and shape as her own, but all the furniture was gone and there were symbols that she didn't understand carved into the walls. She climbed to her feet when she felt someone behind her, realized that her lightsaber was still on her bed, and then turned around to face whoever it was. 

Kylo Ren was standing on the other side of the room, looking around as though he had no idea where he was either. She quickly took several steps backward as she searched for the door with her eyes, and when she slammed into a wall behind her, Kylo's eyes snapped to her. He stood there staring without saying a word, and Rey felt fear course through her. 

She had no idea how she'd gotten to where she was, but she was almost certain that she wouldn't be leaving it alive.

Kylo studied Rey for a few moments, her tunic a bright white against the black of the walls of the room he'd ended up in, and he was confused as to why it was her that was there. He'd been in his quarters only moments before being sucked into this room, and as he looked around, he saw a flickering of light coming from underneath the wall in the same place where his lamp would be. If his lamp was there, then that likely meant that he was still in his quarters. But where had the black room he was in come from?

“You managed to get away from me,” he said, taking a step towards her. “And now you are here.”

“I don't know what you want from me but please let me go,” Rey managed to say, the black of his clothes a stark contrast to the white of the rest of the room. “I don't even know how you got me here.”

Kylo immediately concluded that Snoke must have connected the two of them through the Force, perhaps an opportunity for Kylo to make up for letting Rey get away the first time. But why? Kylo stared at her for a moment before deciding that Snoke meant for him to turn her to the dark side and join them.

But why this girl and not someone else? There was no way that this girl could be the equal that Snoke had talked about.

“The Force brought you here, just as it did me,” Kylo said, taking another few steps towards her. “The Force wants you to join me.”

“I will never join you,” Rey said forcefully. “I would rather die than turn to the dark side.”

“You say that, but you do not know your own strength,” Kylo said, a smile on his face. “Your strength grows every day. You are already so much stronger than you were the last time we were face-to-face that I cannot quantify it with words. And it is anchored in the dark side. I can feel it.”

Rey shook her head. “You don't know what you're talking about. I have no power as great as that of which you speak. And it is not anchored in the dark side.”

Kylo laughed. “Oh, did Master Skywalker not tell you of your own power? I told you, the man is an old fool. You need a proper teacher.”

“I have a proper teacher,” Rey shot back. “And he's better than whoever taught you to hate.”

“I do not hate, and the Supreme Leader will not like you speaking that way once you are in front of him. He deserves far more respect than that,” Kylo said seriously. “But he is not the one who taught me the ways of the Force.”

“Then who did?” Rey asked, finding herself wanting to know the answer to her question. “Who has taught you to be so evil?”

“I am not evil,” Kylo said, shaking his head. “I choose to live in reality instead of the fantasy world where everything is perfect and peaceful that he's taught you.”

“And why are you so sure that is what he has taught me? We've already established that you can't read my mind.”

Kylo laughed again. “Because that is what he taught me.”

Rey's eyes widened and she found herself walking towards him before she could stop herself. “Master Skywalker trained you?”

“Taught me everything I know about the light side of the Force,” Kylo said, wondering why he was telling her this. “I'm not surprised you don't know that. I imagine that he's quite ashamed to have taught me anything now.”

“He's never once mentioned that he trained you,” Rey said, unable to believe that something so important was being kept from everyone else. “No one has ever mentioned that he trained you.”

“I am not surprised to hear that they do not speak about it,” Kylo said, watching her. “I imagine they do not speak of me at all, just as how I do not think of them.”

Rey stopped about five paces from him, studying him for a moment before shaking her head. “I do not believe you.”

“Of course you don't. But I am telling you the truth. Ask him yourself. I'm sure he'll tell you, especially after you tell him about this.”

“Tell him about this?” Rey asked, the thought of doing so just hitting her. “I wouldn't know how to explain it.”

“I'm not sure how to explain it either,” Kylo said, looking around. “I just know that the Force has connected us.”

“I've never heard of the Force connecting people like this before,” Rey said, looking around as well. 

“Neither have I,” Kylo said, turning to look at her again and finding Rey gone and him back in his quarters. 

He still wasn't sure why Snoke had connected them, but he knew it was just the beginning. He would turn the girl to the dark side, no matter what it took. And if she wouldn't turn, well, then he'd have no choice but to kill her.

But for some reason, Kylo didn't want to kill her, Resistance scum or not.

Rey turned back to face Kylo again and found herself staring at her bed. She looked all around her and found that she was back in her room, Kylo gone. She took several deep breaths before walking over to her bed and sitting down, running her hands over her face. She had absolutely no idea how to explain what had just happened, but she figured that it would be a one-time thing, so there was really no reason to explain it to Luke.

Besides, Kylo had been lying to her about Luke being his master. There was no way that was true. She refused to believe that was true.

Even if her intuition was telling her that it was true.

**.6**

Rey cut down another First Order officer and looked around, knowing immediately that they'd walked into a trap. There was supposed to be hardly anyone at the Mustafar base of the First Order, but it looked like their entire army was there instead. If they didn't start doing some quick thinking, then they were all going to die.

She turned her attention back to what she should be doing when she noticed the bullet headed towards her, stopping it in mid-air and then directing it into a tree nearby instead. Another officer charged at her, one of the vibroblades that the First Order used in his hand, but Rey turned on her lightsaber and parried it the moment that the officer swung at her. She heard the other's gun go off again and immediately stepped to her right, feeling the bullet graze her arm as it went by. 

She needed to end this and get closer to one of the generals who could tell her what the plan was now, because the plan that they'd had was completely destroyed and she knew it.

She put her effort into the fight against the one with the vibroblade, slowly turning herself closer to where the one with the gun was trying to quickly reload. When she was close enough, she used the Force to shove the one she was fighting away and turned to the one with the gun, striking him down. She barely had time to breathe before the one with the vibroblade was back, and Rey centered herself and resumed their fight.

She could tell when he was growing tired because he wasn't used to fighting with that weapon and used that to her advantage. She struck the vibroblade harder until he dropped to his knees in exhaustion, and then she struck him down before he could rise. Looking around her, Rey knew that she had time to run from that position, so she took off towards where she saw Luke fighting near her.

She reached Luke just in time for another wave of officers arrive to attack him, and then they were fighting together as though it was choreographed, each knowing what the other was about to do. By the time that they were done with the officers, Rey felt like she'd been fighting with Luke her entire life. 

She turned off her lightsaber when she saw Luke do the same, turning to him. “Master Skywalker, what do we do now?”

“We retreat,” Luke said, reaching for the communicator on his belt and turning it on. “Leia, we've got to get out of here. The entire Resistance is going to die if we don't.”

“We need to complete the objective,” came Leia's voice, but it was quickly followed by Padmé's. 

“Scatter retreat. End up back at the previously determined base as quickly as possible. We will meet you there.”

“Mom!” Leia could be heard saying, but Luke turned the communicator off and stuck it back on his belt. 

“Ready to fight your way out of here?” Luke asked. “We're going to get everyone we find in our path, make our way out of the complex, and then get the hell out of here.”

Rey swallowed hard but turned her lightsaber back on when Luke did. “Yes, Master Skywalker.”

“Rey,” Luke said softly. “You can do this. I promise. Now stay vigilant. They'll try to snipe us from one of the towers since we're Force users.”

Rey nodded and then Luke began to walk, Rey following a step behind. They'd taken ten steps before Rey sensed it, and she was calling out before she even realized it. “Master Skywalker! To your right!”

Luke picked up on what Rey meant and immediately grabbed Rey and began to run. They'd taken ten paces before the explosion behind them happened, the concussion from the blast knocking them down. They used the Force to stop themselves from hitting the ground hard and quickly stood, calling their lightsabers back to them and turning them back on. Luke looked over at Rey and she nodded, so they quickly began to move.

By the time they were leaving the complex, they'd gathered eleven other people with them. Rey had been so focused on getting out and getting people to safety that she hadn't even noticed who they had saved. She was also bleeding from her left temple because she had misjudged a bullet's flight slightly, and she could not help but think about how lucky she was as she climbed into one of the waiting vehicles. The doors slammed shut and then it sped off, and Rey leaned back in her seat and took a few deep breaths. 

They'd made it out, but how many of her friends hadn't?

Luke was giving directions from the passenger's seat as Rey looked to see who was driving, happy to see that Poe had made it. Poe was one of the best drivers that the Resistance had. He'd get them to Crait safely, even if they were on scatter protocol. 

“Rey.”

Rey looked to her left to see Kaydel had sat down next to her, and she was relieved once more. “Kaydel, you made it.”

Kaydel smiled. “Thanks to you. Now let me look at that wound.”

“It's fine,” Rey said dismissively.

“It really isn't,” Kaydel said seriously. “Let me look at it.”

Rey sighed and held her head still, and Kaydel gently touched around the wound's edge with her fingers. “It's not that bad, Kaydel.”

“Well, it could have been a lot worse, that's for sure,” Kaydel said, looking around. “Hey, Beaumont? Can you grab me the medkit?”

A few moments later, Beaumont was handing the medkit to Kaydel and sitting down next to Rey. “Are you woozy at all, Rey?”

“No, not really,” Rey said, taking stock of how she was feeling. “Things feel a little surreal, but that's all.”

“Then you're woozy,” Kaydel said, dabbing at her wound with a piece of gauze. “I'm gonna have to wrap this up.”

“It's really fine,” Rey tried, but both Kaydel and Beaumont shook their heads. 

“It's really not,” Kaydel said, setting down the gauze and reaching for a clean piece. “You've got blood running down into your tunic. I'm trying to stop that and then I'll clean that up as best I can.”

“Rey.” She looked up and saw Luke peering at her in concern. “Head injuries are nothing to take lightly. Let Kaydel bandage it up until we can get to Crait and have someone look at it. And you're out of commission until I say otherwise.”

“But Master Skywalker, I'm fine.”

“Rey, this is not up for discussion,” Luke said, turning back around to face the road.

Rey sighed heavily and winced when she felt Kaydel put antibiotic cream on the wound. “Fine.”

“Thank you,” Kaydel said, reaching for another piece of gauze. 

Rey closed her eyes as Kaydel and Beaumont started talking back and forth, ignoring their conversation and trying to center herself. Her thoughts went immediately to Kylo and his words in the white room. He was lying, he had to be. She refused to believe anything else. 

Yet Rey just somehow knew that he wasn't.


	3. Chapter 3

**.7**

According to the information they'd gotten from Mustafar, every vehicle full of Resistance that had escaped had arrived at the base in Crait that Kylo and five battalions of the army were monitoring. There were generals among the battalions, but they all knew that they were waiting for Kylo's signal before beginning the attack. Kylo knew that Snoke had said to wait an hour after everyone had arrived, but the sun had set and they had the cover of darkness, so he was starting to think that the best time to attack was now. 

He walked out from the mobile command center, standing outside and staring at the building ahead of them. It looked like little more than your standard abandoned warehouse but for the lights that shone through the windows, and Kylo made note of that. He didn't think his mother and grandmother would be so careless, but apparently, they had been.

His mother and grandmother. Why on earth was he thinking of them?

He was thinking of them because ever since he'd been connected to the girl through the Force and told her about training under Luke, his family was never all that far from his thoughts. He knew through intelligence reports that no one in his family had been killed in any of the attacks the First Order had done against the Resistance, and his intuition told him that they were all in that warehouse. This was the perfect opportunity to kill them all, to get them out of his head once and for all.

The warehouse suddenly faded from view, replaced by the black walls of a room. He could hear the insects chirping so he knew he was still outside, and he immediately assumed this was Snoke connecting him and the girl again. 

He wondered what her name was, then decided that it didn't matter. Snoke would give her a new name once she turned to the dark side, just like he had for him. 

He turned around and saw her sitting on what looked like a bed from a medbay, bandages wrapped around her head. He immediately became concerned and then wondered why, but he was walking across the room before he even realized it. “What happened to you?”

Rey looked up and realized that the medbay had been replaced by that white room again, and Kylo was walking towards her with concern on his face. Concern. She didn't think he was capable of that. “Why do you care?”

“You can't join me if you're dead,” Kylo said, stopping in front of her. “What happened?”

Rey sighed heavily, looking around at where the medbay had been but was now the white walls with symbols carved into them. She wondered what the symbols were for. “Do you see those symbols?”

“Symbols?”

“Carved into the walls,” Rey said. “Do you see them?”

Kylo turned his attention to the nearest black wall, making out the carvings that were so subtle he hadn't noticed them before. “Yeah, I do.”

“What do you think they are?”

Kylo let his eyes dance across the walls, trying to memorize what he was seeing. “I have no idea. It's no language that I'm familiar with.”

“Me either,” Rey said, bringing a hand up to touch her wound. “Ow.”

Kylo turned back to her and shook his head, reaching out and pulling her hand away from her head. “Don't do that. You'll never heal that way.”

Rey angrily yanked her hand away from him. “Don't touch me.”

“Fine,” Kylo said. “Tell me what happened to you.”

Rey closed her eyes for a moment, hoping that when she reopened them she would be back in the medbay. But Kylo was still peering at her in concern when she did, so she decided that answering his question might get him to leave. “I was part of an attack on one of your bases and misjudged a bullet. I'm fine.”

“Mustafar?”

Rey nodded. “I suppose you've heard all about that by now.”

“I heard all about it two weeks ago when we knew you were going to do it,” Kylo said, letting out a small laugh. “You all walked into a trap.”

“Yeah, I'd kind of already figured that out, but thanks for the confirmation,” Rey said, swallowing hard. “I lost a lot of friends today.”

“Friends make you weak.”

“Friends make me feel less lonely.”

“Join me and you'll never feel lonely again,” Kylo said, holding out his hand. “You know it's the right thing to do.”

“I know that it's definitely the wrong thing to do,” Rey countered back, knocking his hand out of the way. “I'll never join you.”

“Then I hope you realize that you're going to die.” Even as he said it, something in Kylo made him think that her death would be one of the worst things that could happen, but he didn't know why the Force was making him feel that way. “You and everyone you think you love.”

“We'll see about that,” Rey said defiantly. “And what you do know about love?”

“I know that it's better to be realistic than to love,” Kylo said seriously. “And I know that love will be your downfall.”

“It is better to love than anything,” Rey countered. “I have spent my entire life waiting for someone to love me. I'm not going to let you take that away from me.”

“Then it is going to be very rough for you,” Kylo said, turning around. “I will find you, and I will turn you to the dark side, and then you will know the truth of love.”

The black faded away and Kylo saw the warehouse reappear before him. He stared at the building for a few moments, the girl's opinion on love and thoughts of his family mixing through his head, and he decided that if it wasn't for the fact that Snoke obviously wanted this girl to be a part of the First Order, he'd kill her the next time he saw her for even making him think about that. 

Fuck her for making him think about that.

“Sir?”

Kylo looked to his left and saw one of the generals standing there, clearly waiting for orders. He turned his attention back to the warehouse for a moment before nodding sharply. “It's time.”

**.8**

When Rey heard the gunshots, her eyes flew open. The thick medbay doors immediately came down, locking everyone inside, and the alarm started to blare out throughout the base. She took several deep breaths as what was happening hit her.

The First Order was there.

The scatter protocol had obviously not worked. They had followed them to Crait. Rey felt her hands begin to shake as thoughts started racing through her mind. 

The First Order had come to finish the job they'd started only a few hours earlier. 

Most of the patients in the medbay were confined to their beds, but Rey could get up and walk around just fine, so she pulled off the monitors that were attached to her and stood, looking around as she formed a plan as to what to do. One of the nurses started telling her to get back on the bed, and Rey pushed them away and into a wall before she even thought about it. She felt horrible for possibly injuring them, but one of the doctors ran over to where the nurse was, and Rey decided she'd check on the nurse later. 

Right now, she had to find a way out of this room. 

She made her way to the door and saw no way to open the doors that had closed, so she took a breath, reached out, and used the Force to pull them apart. Once she was outside, she used the Force to close them again to protect the others inside. A glance around the corridor showed that they hadn't reached that part of the base yet, and Rey's hand instinctively went to her belt for her lightsaber. 

But Luke had taken her lightsaber away from her until he deemed her ready to go back into a battle.

Well, fuck.

Rey heard the sound of lightsabers crashing against vibroblades and ran in that direction, unsure of how she was going to fight but knowing that she couldn't leave them to face the First Order alone. They'd already lost almost all of their young Force users in Mustafar, according to Luke, so she'd be damned if they were going to lose most of the adults too. 

As she got closer, Rey heard a sound that she had been praying she wouldn't hear. Lightsaber crashing against lightsaber in what sounded like a ferocious duel. She took in a shuddering breath as she realized that meant one thing and one thing only.

Kylo Ren was there.

She peeked around a corner and surveyed the scene, trying not to let the bodies of some of her instructors littering the floor get to her. She centered herself as best she could and thought about what she could do to help, what she had done to the nurse in the medbay coming back to her. She concentrated on the First Order officer that was fighting Qui-Gon and used the Force to shove them into the wall to their right, knocking them unconscious. Qui-Gon looked around to see how that had happened, spotted Rey peeking from around the corner, and nodded in her direction. 

So Rey did it again, this time with the officer that was fighting Anakin, and then again with the officer fighting Obi-Wan. The three former Jedi turned their attention to helping the others, but Anakin made his way closer to her, taking down officers as he went. When he got engaged in a longer fight, Rey heard his voice echo through her mind and she knew instantly that they were instructions.

_Luke._

Rey looked around and realized she didn't see Luke anywhere, and then she heard Anakin's voice again.

_Command center._

Rey nodded even if she wasn't sure Anakin could see her and then took off running. She felt an officer start to follow her and used the Force to smash them into the ceiling without so much as turning around. She wasn't sure where her ability to use the Force like that was coming from, but she knew that was something that could be figured out another time. 

If there was going to be another time.

She rounded the corner that led into the command center and saw Luke engaged in a fight with Kylo, each parrying the other's moves as if they had fought like that hundreds of times before. Kylo saying Luke had taught him flashed through her mind again, but as it did, Luke stumbled on a cord and fell to his knees, his lightsaber falling from his hand. Kylo raised his lightsaber and prepared to strike him down while he had the opportunity, and Rey reached out with the Force and pushed as hard as she could, sending Kylo flying across the room so hard he left a full body indentation in the wall.

Luke grabbed his lightsaber and quickly moved over to him, holding it out while he took the broken mask off his nephew's head. Kylo was unconscious and Luke knew that this was the opportunity to complete the secondary objective that they had so desperately wanted. He just had no idea how it had happened.

Rey watched Luke turn his lightsaber off and realized that he wasn't going to kill Kylo, so she called out to him. “Master Skywalker.”

Luke turned his attention to Rey and let out a small laugh. “I thought I said you were out of commission until I said otherwise.”

“I thought I just saved your life,” Rey said, walking up to him and peering down at Kylo. “Your father is the one that told me to come here. Was I supposed to disobey an order from a general?”

“You were supposed to stay in the medbay,” Luke said, looking down at Kylo again. “I need your help binding his arms and legs. We're bringing him with us.”

“And where are we going?” Rey asked, watching as Luke walked over to a box that she hadn't even seen and pulled out bonds. 

“You'll see,” Luke said, coming back over to them. “Lift him into the air and keep him steady. I'll bind him.”

Rey did as Luke asked and once Kylo was bound, Luke handed over his lightsaber. “I'll carry him. You be ready to fight.”

“How are we getting out of here?” Rey asked as she took the lightsaber.

“Just follow me,” Luke said, taking Kylo into his arms and beginning to walk. “Come on, we need to hurry.”

Rey watched him for a moment, wondered why he hadn't just killed Kylo, and then followed after Luke.

**.9**

His entire body hurt when he woke, but when he tried to move, he found that he couldn't. His eyes opened and he saw that his arms were bound to rails on either side of the bed, and his attempts at pulling free proved to be futile. He looked to his left and determined that he was in what looked like a room in a medbay, and then he looked to his right to find a woman sitting next to the bed. 

“Hello,” the woman said, a touch of hope in her voice. “Am I speaking with Kylo or Ben?”

At the sound of the name Kylo, Kylo Ren entered his mind. Memories flooded his head with death and destruction, of murder and chaos, and he instantly knew that he'd done everything he'd just remembered. He was Kylo.

No, he had been Kylo. He wasn't Kylo anymore.

But he had no idea who Ben was. He had no memories of Ben.

“Who are you expecting me to be?” he asked, trying to figure out who she was. Kylo had vague memories of her but they were fuzzy and faded, almost as if Kylo hadn't wanted to remember them. 

Maybe he should just ask who she was.

Before he could, the woman smiled at him. “I am looking for my son. I just want to know if my son is still inside there.”

Her son?

He concentrated some more on Kylo's memories and drew up a blank on what the woman's name was. He didn't think that she was Kylo's mother, but he still didn't have any idea who Ben was. 

“I don't know who you are,” he said, and he could tell that what he'd said shocked her. 

Leia looked at her son in stunned silence, unable to believe that he wouldn't know who she was. Ben may have tried to forget that he had a family, but Kylo Ren would have known exactly who she was, even if he thought of her as nothing more than one of the heads of the Resistance. “You don't know who I am?”

He shook his head. “No. And I don't know who Ben is either.”

Leia slowly moved her hand towards the call button, ready to have the room fill with people who would be better at restraining Kylo than she was. “So you are fully Kylo Ren then.”

“No,” he said forcefully, and that shocked Leia as well. “I'm not...I'm not Kylo Ren anymore. But I don't know who Ben is.”

Leia forced herself to take a deep breath. “You're not Kylo Ren but you're not Ben either. Who are you then?”

He tried desperately to think of his name, but all he remembered was Kylo Ren, death, and destruction. “I don't know. I just know I'm not Kylo Ren.”

Leia pressed one of the buttons on the controller and a moment later a doctor walked in with two other men. He recognized them both instantly from Kylo Ren's memories, two of the former Jedi he was so hellbent on killing, and he was suddenly very afraid. “Don't hurt me. Kylo Ren deserves it, but don't hurt me.”

“Let me check on that head injury of yours,” the doctor said, and he watched as the woman stood up and went to talk to the two men.

“Dad,” Leia murmured, “he doesn't know who I am.”

Anakin looked over at him for a moment before turning his attention back to Leia. “What are you talking about?”

“He said he remembers Kylo Ren but that he knows he's not Kylo Ren anymore. But he has no idea who I am, and he says he doesn't know who Ben is either.”

“Interesting,” Obi-Wan mused. “Some form of memory loss then.”

“A strange form of memory loss,” Anakin said. “He remembers all the bad but none of the good.”

“He has no idea who I am, Dad,” Leia said, tears in her eyes. “My son doesn't recognize me.”

Anakin reached out and pulled Leia to him, holding her close. “We'll figure this out, Leia. I promise.”

“I still see only minimal signs of concussion,” the doctor said, drawing their attention to her. “He didn't sustain any other injuries. I'd say the Force protected him pretty well.”

“Thank you,” Anakin said, and the doctor smiled before making her way out of the room. 

He stared at the three people gathered at the end of the bed, and he could feel the confusion radiating off of them in waves. He understood why they were confused. He was confused too. “Who am I?” he asked without a second thought.

The three stood there for a moment before the woman walked back to his bed, reaching out and taking his hand in hers. “Your name is Ben Solo,” she said. “And you are my son.”

Ben Solo. He had never heard of Ben Solo before. “I don't know who Ben Solo is. I've never heard that name before.”

“Then what name do you remember?” one of the other men asked, and he sat there for a moment.

“Kylo Ren,” he finally breathed out. “I remember being Kylo Ren and doing awful, awful things. But I'm not Kylo Ren and I don't know who Ben Solo is.”

The woman squeezed his hand and he looked back over at her, seeing tears running down her face. “It's okay, Ben. We'll figure this out.”

“Do you remember anything besides Kylo Ren?” the other man asked.

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. “No. I just remember Kylo Ren.”

“But you're not Kylo Ren,” the first man said.

“No, I'm not,” he said, feeling his throat tighten. “If I'm Ben Solo, then why would I have ever been Kylo Ren?”

“That's a story for another time,” the woman said, squeezing his hand again. “Right now, you just need to get some rest, Ben.”

He stared at her for a moment before nodding, and then she sat back down next to his bed. The first man said that he would go tell the family what was going on and then the two men left, and he turned his attention to the woman. “What is your name?”

“Leia,” she got out around a lump in her throat. She never thought she'd be having to tell her own son her name because he didn't know it. “Leia Skywalker Solo.”

He searched through the memories he did have until one with her name came up, a man named Snoke telling Kylo Ren that he could not hesitate to kill her should he get the chance. 

Why would Snoke have wanted him to kill his own mother?

But he remembered what else Snoke had said about her and he gave her a shaky smile. “You're the head of the Resistance.”

Leia smiled at him in return. “Yes, I run the Resistance with your grandmother. It's a family affair, really.”

He nodded as more memories of what Kylo Ren had thought of the Skywalkers came to him. “Kylo Ren wanted to kill all of you.”

Leia felt the tears spring back to her eyes. Her son had wanted to kill her. Her son had wanted to kill his entire family.

No. She stopped herself quickly. Kylo Ren had wanted to do all of that. Not her beloved Ben. Not the man sitting in front of her. “Well, I'm glad that he didn't.”

He watched as more tears ran down her cheeks, and he found that he was really glad that Kylo Ren hadn't killed them either. “Me too.”

“Is it alright if I call you Ben?” Leia asked. “Because I would like to call my son by his name.”

He nodded and then tried to think of himself as Ben. “It sounds very foreign, but I will get used to it.”

“Thank you, Ben,” Leia said, reaching up to wipe the tears from her face. “Now get some rest. Hopefully, with some, the rest of your memories will come back to you.”

He settled himself back against the bed and closed his eyes, letting that name rattle around in his head until it sank into his mind.

Ben Solo. He was Ben Solo.

Hopefully, those missing memories came back soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**.10**

Rey had just walked into her room, closing her eyes in exhaustion after a long session with Luke, when she felt the air around her change. She opened her eyes to see the white room again and sighed. The last thing she wanted to do was have to deal with Kylo Ren at that moment.

She looked around and found him at the other end of the room, strapped to a bed from the medbay. She'd known that he was on a base and had suspected the medbay was where he was, but she hadn't anticipated him being so loosely strapped to the bed. She thought for sure that he'd be under much heavier bonds.

Kylo was looking around the room so Rey waited until he saw her before speaking. “I really wish I'd stop being sucked into this room with you. It's getting very annoying. And spare me your dark side bullshit, please. I am not in the mood today.”

“The room is white,” Ben murmured, looking around it again. “The last time I was here, it was black.”

Rey gave him a confused look. “What?”

“The room, it has always been black,” Ben said, looking at her. “And now it's white. Don't you find that strange?”

“This room has always been white,” Rey shot back. “Don't try this mind manipulation with me.”

“I am not trying to manipulate you into anything,” Ben said, leaning back against the bed as Kylo's memories came back to him. A Force user from the Resistance that he had tortured once, trying to get information out of her. She had resisted him and escaped, and then Snoke connected them through the Force. 

But who was she? Kylo didn't know. Kylo didn't even know her name.

“What's your name?” Ben asked. “Kylo didn't know it.”

Rey gave him another confused look and was walking towards him before she knew it. “What do you mean Kylo didn't know it? You are Kylo.”

Ben shook his head vehemently. “I am not Kylo Ren,” he said firmly. “I used to be, and I did horrible things as him, but I am not Kylo Ren.”

Rey came up to his bedside and stared down at him. “I told you, I'm not in the mood for mind manipulations today.”

“I am not manipulating you!” Ben exclaimed. “I don't even know who the hell you are beyond some girl that Kylo tortured once! And I feel terrible about that! I'm so, so sorry! I'm sorry for everything!”

Rey watched as a couple of tears slid down his cheeks and wondered if he was telling her the truth. “Let me look inside your mind,” she said, knowing that would be the only way to confirm things. “Don't resist me.”

“I won't,” Ben said, closing his eyes to try and stop the tears. He absolutely hated the fact that he was crying. He'd cried enough since the day he woke up and found that woman sitting next to his bed who said she was his mother. He didn't need to cry anymore.

Rey looked at him for a moment before reaching out with the Force and entering his mind. It was full of death and destruction, but also loneliness and fear. Parts of the memory of the day he woke up in the medbay were solid and clear, and she knew that his words were correct. He had been Kylo Ren, but he was Kylo Ren no more.

“Ben,” she murmured. “Your name is Ben.”

Ben nodded, feeling another tear slip down his face. “Apparently so. The name feels so foreign to me. I have no idea who Ben is.”

“Then maybe you should find out,” Rey said, turning to look at the walls. “I'm sure that someone can help you.”

When she turned back to Ben, he was gone and her room was back. Rey took a deep breath and sat down on her bed, letting everything that had happened sink in. Kylo Ren was no longer Kylo Ren. He was Ben, and he had no idea who Ben was. 

But it was the loneliness and fear that she thought about the most. The loneliness and fear that had felt identical to her own loneliness and fear. How their feelings could be the same, Rey did not know. Maybe it was part of the way the Force kept connecting them. Maybe it was something she should tell someone about. 

Maybe it would be a way that she could help Ben because she had a sudden overwhelming urge to do so.

  
  
  
  
  


**.11**

After a week, Ben was allowed to leave the medbay. 

A small, almost elderly man named Yoda had come into his room and asked him a few questions about his feelings, telling the man that was supposedly his grandfather and another man that he was clearly anchored in the light. The darkness was gone.

The three men looked extremely pleased with that. Ben had just been relieved to hear that he wasn't dwelling in the dark side anymore. The dark side had led to Kylo Ren, and Kylo Ren was someone who he desperately wanted to forget.

He'd take no memories at all over the memories that he did have. Killing people, torturing people, everything that he had done echoed through his head all the time but he couldn't change a thing. This wasn't a dream that he was having that he kept reliving. No, this was the truth. This was what he had done.

He had been Kylo Ren, but he wasn't Kylo Ren anymore. Ben held onto that like a lifeline. He wasn't that monster anymore.

He was given a room that was next door to the people who said they were his parents, and he knew that they wanted to keep an eye on him. He stayed inside it for four days before he thought he'd lose his mind if he spent one more moment there, and so he ventured out into the base. Every person that he passed had fear and hatred radiating off of them, and he knew he deserved it. He deserved it all.

No, Kylo Ren deserved it. And he was not Kylo Ren anymore.

The few that he tried to speak to practically ran away from him, and Ben knew that Kylo Ren deserved that too. If his memories were correct, the last time that these people had seen him had been an attack in Crait, and Kylo Ren had done some terrible things to a lot of very important people while he was there. 

Kylo Ren had also nearly killed the man who said he was his Uncle Luke, so he was trying desperately not to think about that. Something had happened in that fight against Luke that Kylo hadn't anticipated and Ben had no answer for. Kylo had been about to strike Luke down and suddenly he went flying into the wall, knocked unconscious.

It was the last memory of Kylo Ren's that Ben had. 

He didn't want to remember wanting to kill a member of Ben's family, the family that clearly loved him based upon their interactions since he woke up. 

Why would he want to have killed them? They all seemed to be pretty great. He had a grandfather who seemed to understand the dark side better than the others, a grandmother who couldn't stop crying every time she saw him, an uncle who was concerned, a mother who was even more concerned, and a father who could barely look at him because Ben didn't know who he was.

He couldn't blame the man whose name he'd learned was Han. Ben could barely stand himself too.

He eventually found a shadowy corner of the base where it seemed no one ever went, sat down on the floor, and tried to remember who Ben was. But every day he sat there, he drew up no memories at all, and it made him so frustrated he used the Force to slam some empty wooden crates into the opposite wall, shattering them.

He immediately felt awful about doing that. Those crates were probably needed for something. 

He was in the middle of trying to reassemble one when the air around him changed, and he looked up to see he was in the white room again. He abandoned what he was doing, looking around until he saw her. She had her back to him, but she looked dressed for a fight, and he suddenly became terrified of what she was about to do.

“Are you going somewhere to fight?” he asked, making her spin around.

Rey sighed heavily when she noticed that she was back in the white room, but this time Ben wasn't in a bed from the medbay. He was sitting on the floor in a corner of the room, and he looked absolutely terrified. “What's it to you?”

“I don't want you to get hurt,” Ben said honestly. “The thought scares me.”

Rey studied him for a moment. She still wasn't sure that she could fully believe anything that Ben said, still couldn't allow herself to process the truth she'd found inside his head. He said he wasn't Kylo Ren anymore and he'd meant it. He'd told her the truth. 

He wasn't Kylo Ren, but he didn't know Ben either.

“I can handle myself,” Rey said firmly. “And if something happens, then something happens. I knew that was a possibility when I signed up for this. Fuck, you already had me in a position where I thought you were going to kill me. I know how to handle it.”

Ben swallowed hard. “I'm sorry,” he mumbled. “I'm so, so sorry for what I did.”

Rey took a deep breath and walked over to him, sitting down on the floor next to him. “I don't want your apologies. It changes nothing.”

“I know it changes nothing. I still want to apologize for what I did.”

“Then your apology has been heard. Don't say it again,” Rey said, leaning her head back against the wall and letting her eyes dance across the symbols. “I wonder what they are.”

“What what are?” Ben asked.

“The symbols carved into the walls,” Rey said. “I wonder what they are.”

Ben looked at the nearest wall and saw the subtle carvings, tracing them with his eyes. “I don't know. It's nothing I've ever seen before.”

“Were they not in the black room?” Rey asked.

Ben thought about it. “They were,” he confirmed. “Kylo didn't know what they were either.”

“You know that you are Kylo, right?” Rey asked. “Because you're definitely the man who tortured me.”

“I'm sorry,” Ben whispered before raising his voice. “Yes, I know that I was once Kylo Ren. But I am not Kylo Ren anymore and I wish I could forget that I ever was.”

“You're missing memories and you want to forget the ones that you have,” Rey murmured. “I somewhat understand that feeling.”

“How could you possibly understand that?”

“Because I'd like to forget everything about my life before the Resistance,” Rey said, standing up. “I just want to forget it all.”

“Why?” Ben asked, but Rey didn't answer.

“I'm supposed to be leaving for a mission in five minutes,” she murmured instead. “And yet I'm here and don't know how to break this.”

“I think if you concentrate hard enough on where you should be that it might break the connection,” Ben said. “But before you do that, can I please know your name?”

Rey stood there for a few moments, started concentrating on where she was supposed to be, and calmly spoke. “Rey. My name is Rey.” 

Then she closed her eyes, concentrated some more, and felt the air around her change. She opened her eyes to find that she was back in her room and she breathed a sigh of relief. Now she knew how to get out of there whenever it was that Kylo started his manipulations again.

Except the man she visited in that white room wasn't Kylo Ren. Not anymore. And try as she might to tell herself that he still was, she knew deep down that he wasn't.

He was Ben, and she wanted to know more about Ben.

  
  
  
  
  


**.12**

Rey had barely finished dressing for the day when she felt the air around her change, and she turned to see Ben huddled in that corner again. The Force had connected them like that five times since the mission that Rey had gone on, and she was trying her hardest to avoid it. She kept using the way that she had learned to break the connection to get out of there as soon as possible, but today she felt the loneliness and fear radiating off of Ben so strongly that she couldn't bring herself to. 

She walked towards him and sat down next to him again, making Ben look over at her with a small smile. “Hi.”

“Hello,” Rey said. “You seem rather sad today.”

“I just wish I knew who I was,” Ben murmured, turning his attention back to the floor. “And I wish I could forget who I once was.”

“Maybe you're not meant to remember who you are. And maybe you're meant to remember who you were so that you will know to never go down that path again,” Rey said softly. “Maybe you are meant to completely start over and learn how to be this Ben.”

“The only times I feel like I have any idea of who I am are when I'm with you,” Ben said quietly. “I don't know what this connection of ours is, and I don't know if you feel it the way I do, but I feel better whenever we're here, wherever here is. Something about our connection is familiar and comforting, and I miss it every time it ends until the moment it starts again.”

Rey swallowed hard. She hadn't wanted to admit it to herself. Absolutely refused to even think about it for a second. A connection with Kylo Ren that felt familiar and comfortable was the last fucking thing in the world she wanted anything to do with.

But with Ben sitting next to her saying it, with her knowing that Ben wasn't Kylo Ren anymore, Rey's mind was flooded with the feeling of belonging that she felt by being in the strange white room with Ben.

“It's okay,” she murmured. “I feel that way too.”

Ben looked over at her in surprise. “You do?”

Rey nodded. “I refused to admit it to myself until just now, but yeah. Being in the room is really comforting and I have no idea as to why.”

“Me either,” Ben said, tracing the carvings with his eyes again. “It's a shame that I don't have any paper and a pen. I'd really like to sketch those carvings and see if I can figure out what they are on the Holonet.”

“Maybe you can sketch them from memory,” Rey said, looking at the wall in front of them. “They seem to be getting more pronounced, don't you think? Or maybe I am just starting to notice them better.”

“No, I think they are getting stronger,” Ben said. “More visible.”

“Strange. Of course, this whole place is strange. I still don't know why we're here. I've never heard of anything like this happening before.”

“Neither have I,” Ben said. “Or at least Kylo hadn't.”

Rey thought about something for a moment. “Can you tell me if something Kylo said to me was true?”

“I'll try,” Ben said, somewhat confused. “Though I don't know why you'd want to know if anything that monster said was true.”

“I'm just curious about this one thing,” Rey said, taking a deep breath. “He told me that Luke Skywalker was his master. And I've never heard anything about Master Skywalker training him from anyone around here.”

Ben thought about it for a quick moment. “Well, I'd certainly think that it's true since Luke is apparently my uncle.”

Rey's head whipped around to look at Ben. “What?”

“They keep telling me that Luke is Ben's uncle,” Ben said. “I have no memory of him though.”

Rey blinked rapidly. “Master Skywalker is your uncle,” she said. “Meaning Leia and Han are your parents. Anakin and Padmé your grandparents.”

“Apparently so,” Ben said, sighing heavily. “The only memories I have of any of them are conversations with Snoke about the Resistance leadership and how much Kylo wanted to kill all of them. That's it.”

“Kylo wanted to kill all of them?” Rey asked, surprised. “He wanted to kill his own family?”

“As I said, he was a monster,” Ben murmured, leaning his head back against the wall. “I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to think about him anymore. I just want to forget everything I know.”

“Then we'll talk about something else,” Rey said, turning to look at him again only to find she was sitting on the floor in her room, her back against her dresser. 

She sucked in a couple of deep breaths and got up, leaving her room and heading in the direction of the training center. It was her day off and so she knew people would be surprised to see her there, but she had to talk to Luke and she had to talk to him now. 

She'd barely set foot in the training center before she heard her name, and she turned to see Anakin there. “It's your day off, Rey.”

“I need to speak to Master Skywalker,” Rey said. “I need to know why he kept the fact that he trained Kylo Ren from me.”

Anakin's eyes widened and he grabbed onto Rey's elbow, pulling her into an empty room. “How do you know that?” he asked once the door was closed. “No one but a trusted group of people around here knows that.”

“Ben told me,” Rey said. “And that is something that everyone should know. If he is part of your family then that should be known.”

Anakin stood there for a moment. “You've been talking to Ben? He's hardly saying two words to anyone.”

Rey looked around and spotted a chair, walking over to it and sitting down. “We have this connection,” she explained. “It started when he was Kylo Ren and it's continued since. My surroundings will fade away and I'll be in this white room, and he'll be in there with me. He said that the room used to be black when he was Kylo but now it's white like I've always seen it.”

Anakin blinked a couple of times. “What?”

“I can't explain it any more than that,” Rey said, sighing. “It feels familiar and comforting being in that room with him. I was denying it to myself because I didn't want to think that anything about being in a room with Kylo Ren could be those things, but Ben said today that he feels that way and I had to admit that I feel that way too. We have conversations in there that we couldn't have anywhere else. I don't even know where he is. He might not even be on this base. It's just us in this room together.”

Anakin came and sat down next to Rey, running his hands over his face. “I've never heard of anything like this before.”

“Neither has either of us. Or, well, Kylo. Kylo had never heard of anything like this.”

“That makes sense because I doubt Ben ever had,” Anakin said, sighing. “I don't know what to make of this, Rey. I'm not going to lie to you about that. But I am going to tell Master Yoda about it. He might perhaps have more counsel or guidance on what to think about this.”

Rey nodded. “I understand. I would like to know more about it myself.”

“I would also like you to understand that we felt we had no choice but to keep the fact that he is my grandson a secret,” Anakin said softly. “It was hard for all of us to think of him as Kylo Ren, and I think that it would have been hard for a lot of people to work for the Resistance if they knew that we weren't trying to kill Kylo Ren but instead redeem him.”

“I think you should let people know now though,” Rey said. “I don't think that you can help get him to remember who he is unless he is treated like who he is. If he is your grandson and he has been redeemed, then you should be happy to say that.”

“I will bring that up with the rest of the family and the Resistance leadership,” Anakin said, motioning for Rey to follow him. “If you do find out where Ben is, please let one of us know. He's never in his room during the day and we only see him briefly at breakfast and dinner. I'm not even sure if he's eating lunch. We're all very worried about him.”

“So he is here on base?” Rey asked.

“Yes,” Anakin said. “I'm surprised you didn't know that.”

“Been concentrating so much on the mission to Eadu that I didn't think about much of anything else, to be perfectly honest,” Rey said. “I am prepared and ready to go.”

“That is good to hear,” Anakin said, opening up the door. “Go enjoy your day off. You'll need it before you leave on the mission tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Master Skywalker,” Rey said, and Anakin shook his head. 

“My name is Anakin, Rey. I'm not your master.”

Rey nodded. “Then thank you, Anakin.”

Anakin smiled at her. “Thank you for telling me about this.”

“Of course,” Rey said. “I will see you at the briefing before the mission team leaves tomorrow morning.”

“Let me know then if this connection has happened again, please.”

“I will.”

Rey said a quiet goodbye and then left the training center, and Anakin headed straight towards Yoda's meditation room. It didn't matter if his old friend was deep in contemplation or not. He needed to hear about this connection between Rey and Ben and he needed to hear about it now.


	5. Chapter 5

**.13**

Yoda listened to Anakin explain what Rey had told him about her connection with Ben, taking it all in before speaking. “I have never heard of such a thing.”

“I was really hoping that you had,” Anakin said, running a hand through his hair.

“And she said that this began when he was still Kylo Ren?”

“Yes.”

“I wonder if perhaps it was something that Snoke has done then,” Yoda mused. “To connect two people within the Force in such a way would be a dark side ability that I have never heard of. This is perplexing.”

“Why would he pick Rey to connect him with?” Anakin asked. “I'd think he'd want to get information out of someone higher up than she is. She still has no idea about her own power, let alone much about what is actually happening.”

“That is a question I do not have an answer for,” Yoda said. “This will require some meditation and it may take some time's worth. Things surrounding Snoke have always been incredibly cloudy for me.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that as well, or at least something similar,” Anakin said, taking a deep breath. “The dark side energy should be lessened with Ben's return to the light, correct?”

“Yes, that is correct,” Yoda said, walking over to a bookshelf. “Why?”

“Because I feel it stronger than I did when he was still Kylo Ren.”

“Anakin, we have talked about this.”

“I know that we have, but I am just asking you to search your feelings for a moment, Master Yoda. Just tell me that I'm crazy after you've felt it for yourself.”

Yoda closed his eyes and centered his focus, turning to face Anakin a few moments later. “Hm.”

“Do you see what I’m saying now?” Anakin asked. “Someone besides Snoke is out there, and there is only one person that I can think of who would be that strong in the dark side of the Force.”

“There may be someone else.” Yoda shook his head. “But it’s not Palpatine, Anakin. It can’t possibly be him.”

“Well, I will continue to disagree on that,” Anakin replied. “But we need to worry about who else is out there. And we need to ask Ben if Snoke had another apprentice.”

“Perhaps Rey can get it out of him during one of these connections. I don’t think he’d be willing to tell anyone else. Our attempts to get some information from him have not ended well.”

“I understand why you think that but I am worried that talking about things like that during these connections of theirs might be a bad idea. If Snoke is the one who made this connection, then he may be listening to what they say.”

“Hm,” Yoda mused. “That is a good point. We will try to get the information out of Ben the same way that we have been. The less that is said during this connection of theirs, the better.”

“I will talk to Rey about that,” Anakin said.

“I will meditate on this and work with Jocasta on where a connection like this might be mentioned in the old Jedi texts,” Yoda replied. 

“Let me know if there is anything I can do to help,” Anakin said as he walked towards the door. “And I’m going to tell Luke about this.”

“You can tell your whole family,” Yoda said, following him. “I’m going to tell Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon too. Everyone needs to be aware of this connection.”

“Should I let Rey know that?”

“No,” Yoda said as they walked out the door. “The less the girl knows, the better.”

“We still need to work out her part in this since Ben has turned back,” Anakin said. “We thought she was here to take him on.”

“She has a greater purpose,” Yoda said. “And that is all that is best said at this moment. Meditation on that has not yet been successful.”  
  
  
  
  
**.14**

Rey had just returned from Eadu when she felt the air around her change, but this time she wasn’t in the white room. She’d been walking down a corridor when it happened, and she was in a corridor now. She thought about it for a moment before beginning to walk in the direction that she had been heading, finding the only door to be the one that was approximately where her room was. She headed inside and looked around, finding that she was now in the same room that she always was, Ben sitting in the corner that she had begun to think of as his. “Ben.”

Ben looked up from where he’d been fidgeting with the edges of his sleeves to find Rey there, and the sling she was wearing had him immediately concerned. “What happened?” he asked, alarmed. “You were hurt.”

“It’s just a dislocation. It could be worse,” Rey said, walking towards him. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You have a dislocated shoulder and aren’t concerned about it?” Ben asked in disbelief. “I think you’re crazy.”

“That’s what Master Skywalker said when he took me off mission duty for at least the next two months,” Rey said, sitting down next to him. “But enough about me. How are you doing?”

“I’m lonely,” Ben confessed. “No one wants to be near me unless they want something from me. Everyone else hates me. The only time I feel okay is when we’re in here and we’re at the mercy of the Force for when we have these connections. I’ve just never felt so alone.”

Rey took a deep breath and reached out with her good arm, putting a hand on Ben’s leg. “You’re not alone.”

“Thank you,” Ben said quietly. “But you’re not spending your days hiding from everyone as much as you can.”

“Why are you hiding from them? They’re so happy to have you back.”

“They're happy to have their Ben not be Kylo Ren anymore. They want as much information as Kylo Ren could give them. I don’t want to remember any of it though, so I don’t tell them a thing.”

Rey squeezed his leg gently. “What kind of things are they wanting you to tell them?”

“Anakin and Obi-Wan want the locations of First Order bases and other strongholds. Qui-Gon and Luke are always asking if I want to train. Leia and Padmé keep telling me stories of their Ben to see if that will draw up a memory. And Han just asks if I know who he is, and when I say that I don’t, he turns around and leaves. They aren’t pleasant interactions.”

“They’re just trying to get you to help.”

“Maybe. I just hate it,” Ben murmured. “The only person who doesn’t try to get anything out of me is you.”

“I won’t ask you about any of that stuff then,” Rey said, smiling at him. “I’ll just sit here with you until the connection breaks.”

“You mean you won’t break it yourself this time?”

“No,” Rey promised. “I won’t.”

“Thank you,” Ben said, leaning his head back against the wall. “Where were you when we ended up here? At first, I was in this room alone.”

“I was in the corridor instead of my room. I walked down the white corridor I ended up in, walked through the only door that I’d found, and there was this room with you in it. It was rather strange, to be perfectly honest. No matter where I’d been before, it had always just been this room.”

“I wonder what that means then,” Ben said. “I wonder what any of this means.”

“Did Kylo have any ideas on why the Force connected the two of us?” Rey asked.

Ben thought about that for a moment. “He thought Snoke had done it so that Kylo could turn you to the dark side,” he eventually said. “So he could make up for the fact that he didn’t pay enough attention and you got away.”

“Then we definitely need to not talk about anything that Kylo may or may not know which would be helpful to the Resistance. We don’t know if he’s listening to us.”

Ben nodded and gave Rey a small smile. “We definitely don’t want him doing that. I don’t want him to win. I want him to lose.”

“Well, maybe someday you’ll feel like offering up some of that information so that he does lose,” Rey said, smiling back. “But I’m not going to make you do that before you feel comfortable doing that.”

“You seem to be the only one who understands that I feel that way,” Ben replied. “I’m very grateful for that.”

Rey looked down to adjust her sling and when she looked up again, she was sitting in her room, back to her dresser. Sighing heavily, she carefully climbed to her feet and left the room, heading out to search for Anakin. She knew that they suspected that Snoke had connected the two of them, and she was pretty sure that Ben had just given her some proof that they were right.  
  
  
  
  
**.15**

“My son doesn’t know who I am, Leia,” Han said seriously. “You have to understand how that is hard to be around.”

“I do understand that, Han,” Leia replied. “My son doesn’t know who I am either. However, unlike you, I am attempting to get him to remember. You are the one who just runs away whenever you get confirmation that he doesn’t remember you.”

“I think it’s difficult for all of us,” Luke said, drawing their attention to him. “But I think that this connection he has with Rey might help us all.”

Padmé gave Luke a confused look. “Connection with Rey? Why would Ben have a connection with Rey?”

“They are connected through the Force,” Anakin said, reaching for his drink. “We don’t have an explanation for it yet. Master Yoda is meditating and Jocasta is helping him with research. He thinks that perhaps Snoke connected the two of them with some form of dark side trickery that he is unaware of.”

“What is this connection then?” Han asked. “I want to know what is going on with my son.”

“Ask Rey about it,” Luke said. “She’ll be able to explain it to you better than any of us. But it seems that the world around them fades away and takes them both to another place where they are together. These moments of connection don’t seem to last more than a few minutes, but Rey says that they’re very comfortable with each other when they are in this connection.”

“That is interesting,” Leia said after a moment. “Do you think that Rey would be able to get the information we need out of him then? We’re not making any progress with that.”

“I have advised her not to discuss anything like that with Ben during these connections because of the thought that Snoke has done this to them. We don’t know if he’s listening in to them,” Anakin said. “If they were speaking in person and not in these connections, that would be one thing, but we still don’t know where Ben spends his days.”

“Perhaps Rey could discover that then,” Padmé replied. “I would like to be able to take better care of my grandson.”

“As hard as it is for everyone, I think we need to acknowledge the fact that the Ben we’re dealing with is not our Ben,” Luke said. “Treating him like he’s our Ben is not helping him. I think it might be alienating him even more. And he already feels foreign enough around here.”

“So you expect me to just not speak to my son, Luke?” Leia asked. “Because he’s my son.”

“Yes, Leia, he’s your son, but right now, he doesn’t know who you are. He doesn’t know who any of us are, but more importantly, he doesn’t know who he is. Trying to force the fact that he’s Ben Solo down his throat is not going to help anything,” Luke said firmly. “I think that we’ve learned by now that talking the memories back out of him isn’t going to work. We need to let him rediscover who he is on his own.”

“And what if he can’t?” Han asked, causing everyone to fall silent. “What if I can never have a conversation with my son again?”

“You could be having conversations with him if you didn’t run away the moment he doesn’t remember you,” Leia declared.

“I think that Luke is right,” Padmé said. “We need to get to know the person that Ben is now and make him feel accepted instead of trying to force him to conform to who we know he really is.”

“He would probably like that if we can ever get him to spend time with us,” Anakin said. “And that might be where Rey can come in and help. She might be able to convince him to at least start joining us for dinner at night. I feel like that could be a start.”

Han reached for his drink and took a long sip. “I don’t know that I can do that.”

Leia reached out and covered his hand with hers. “Maybe you could at least try. It might do both you and Ben some good if you would at least try.”

Han took a shuddering breath. “This is so hard for me, Leia. It was almost easier when he was Kylo Ren.”

“I know, but we knew this was going to be a process from the first day that he woke up without his memories. He’s going to need all of our support.” Leia leaned over closer to him. “It’ll be worth it in the end. We’ll have him back in the end.”

“I hope you’re right, Leia, because I’m not sure what I’m going to feel towards him if we don’t,” Han said, taking another long sip of his drink. “Can we talk strategy for the Dantooine mission now? I can’t do any more of this.”

“Of course,” Padmé said before Leia could say a word. “This is a very important mission. It’s not every day we think that we have a lead on where Snoke could be.”

“Yes, let’s talk about that,” Anakin said. “This needs to be handled correctly and we need to be sending the right people.”

Everyone knew what that meant without it needing to be said.

Rey needed to go to Dantooine.

But her shoulder was still dislocated.

They had some decisions to make.


	6. Chapter 6

**.16**

Rey felt the air around her change and found herself in the white room. Ben was sitting in his usual corner, but this time he was playing around with a gun. “What are you doing?”

Ben looked up for a moment but then turned the gun so it was facing him again. “Hoping it’ll go off.”

Rey walked over to him quickly and pulled it from his grasp, tucking it into the empty holster on her leg. “No. Absolutely not. I’m not letting you try to kill yourself.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” Ben pointed out. “I was hoping that it would do that all on its own.”

Rey just shook her head. “Where are you right now?”

“What?” Ben asked, confused.

“Where are you right now?”

“Here with you,” Ben said, still confused. “Why?”

“In the base,” Rey clarified. “Where are you right now?”

“What does that matter?”

Rey grew annoyed with Ben’s confusion, concentrated on where he was, got the answer from the Force, and then broke their connection. She left the gun in her room and then walked all the way across the base to a corner of the supply area that was never used. Ben was sitting up against the wall, his shoulders slumped and head down. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him look more despondent.

“You could have just answered my question,” she said, and Ben’s head shot up to look at her. 

“Rey?”

“I understand now why no one can ever find you during the day,” Rey said, walking over and sitting down next to him. “You’ve picked the one place on the base where no one ever goes.”

“I didn’t know you were here,” Ben said quietly. “If I’d known we were on the same base, I would have let you know where I spend my days before.”

“I didn’t know we were on the same base for a while, so I don’t think it really matters,” Rey said, taking a deep breath. “Let’s talk about the gun.”

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“Ben, you wanted that gun to go off and kill you. That requires a conversation.”

Ben let his head fall back against the wall. “I just want to forget everything and remember everything at the same time. But I can’t do that and so I don’t want to have any of it anymore. I just want to be at peace.”

“And you don’t think that you can be at peace while you’re alive?” Rey asked, feeling her heart ache when Ben shook his head.

“The only time I feel even remotely close to that is when I’m with you,” he said quietly. “And you don’t want to be around me. I get that. I don’t want to be around me either.”

“I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t want to be around you,” Rey said, reaching for his hand. “And I want you around, okay? It would really hurt me if you weren’t.”

“Really?”

Rey smiled at him. “Yes. And it wouldn’t just be me that was hurt. Your family would be hurt too.”

“I still can’t think of them as my family,” Ben said after a moment. “I know everyone is trying to get me to remember them, but I just don’t, and so it’s hard to think of them that way.”

“Maybe you should spend some more time with them. Then maybe it would be easier to think of them that way.”

Ben sighed. “It’s gotten a little better. Padmé doesn’t just cry whenever she sees me anymore. Leia seems to have backed off when it comes to trying to talk memories out of me, but she’s still very hard to be around. But Han still can’t be around me for more than a couple of minutes before he leaves. I don’t blame him. I don’t want to be around me either. And I don't want to think about Kylo Ren like Anakin and Luke want me to.”

Rey didn’t know what to focus on from what Ben had just said, so she went for the most practical first. “You really don’t want to help us defeat the First Order? Even if it means you remember Kylo for a few minutes.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to help you defeat the First Order,” Ben replied. “It’s that I don’t want to remember Kylo Ren.”

“You can’t do both of those things, you know.”

“I know,” Ben sighed. “Maybe in time I’ll be able to help. But I am not going to be able to do that right now. Can we talk about something else now?”

“Like what?”

“How is your shoulder doing?”

“Well, I’ve got the sling off, as you can tell, but it’s healing really slowly,” Rey said, sighing. “Anakin told me that there is a mission that they can’t do until I’m ready to go on it, whatever that means. That has me a little scared, actually.”

“Don’t be scared,” Ben said softly. “Fear will get you hurt. Trust in the depth of your power. You have such great strength, Rey. Believe in it.”

“When you were Kylo, you seemed to think I have more strength than I do.”

Ben sat there for a moment, taking in Rey next to him. “You do,” he eventually said. “And for some reason, they aren’t telling you about it.”

“I think you’re delusional,” Rey said. “Why would they do that?”

“I don’t know,” Ben replied. “But that is what the Force is telling me.”

“Whatever,” Rey said, looking up at the clock on the wall. “I have to go to training.”

Ben nodded and Rey stood up. “Promise me something, Ben.”

“What?” Ben asked, his head down again.

“No more guns.”

Ben sat there for a few moments before nodding. “No more guns.”

“Thank you,” Rey said, feeling that heartache again when Ben didn’t look up at her. “I’ll come back at lunch, okay? I’ll bring you some food and we can talk some more.”

Ben looked up at that. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Rey said, smiling at him. “I’ll see you then, okay?”

Ben nodded and Rey walked away, heading straight for the training center despite her lightsaber being in her room. Luke needed to hear about Ben’s state of mind first.  
  
  
  
  
**.17**

“You say there are symbols on the walls in this room,” Yoda murmured. “Interesting.”

“Yes, Master Yoda,” Rey said, nervous about having a one-on-one conversation with him for the first time. “They are becoming more pronounced every time that we’re in there.”

Yoda stood and made his way over to his desk, grabbing paper and a pen. “Here,” he said, putting them in front of Rey. “Draw what you can remember. Those may be key in figuring out what is happening.”

Rey nodded and began to picture the room in her mind, gliding the pen across the page in patterns that she remembered better than she’d thought she would. By the time that she was done, she was pretty sure she’d gotten every symbol there was drawn on those papers. “There. I think that’s all of them.”

Yoda took the pages from her and looked through them, immediately intrigued. “Interesting,” he mused. “Very interesting.”

“It’s no language that either Ben or I know.”

“Yes, you would not,” Yoda said, turning a page over to look at it from a different angle. “This is ancient, ancient language.”

“So you know what it means then?”

“No, not just by looking at it,” Yoda said, smiling at her. “But I have a feeling that Jocasta will know exactly how to translate it. She is an expert in the old Jedi and Sith languages.”

“Sith?” Rey asked, surprised. “What would the Sith have to do with this?”

“That, Rey, is the question,” Yoda said, setting the papers down. “If Snoke really is the one who has connected the two of you, then he did so using a dark side ability that no one here has heard of. And that means he has likely delved deeper into the realm of the Sith than we had been aware of.”

Rey swallowed hard. “So there may be some Sith reason that Ben’s memories are the way they are then?”

Yoda blinked. He’d never even considered that before. “Not that we are aware of,” he said carefully. “But we are going to keep Ben from knowing much of anything about what is happening around here because of it. All we want out of him is any information that we can about the First Order and Snoke that might be helpful in what we are doing.”

“I think that maybe everyone should stop doing that for a while,” Rey said. “Ben’s mental state isn’t the best and trying to get him to remember Kylo Ren stuff right now is only going to make things worse.”

“Yes, I heard about you having to take the gun from him,” Yoda said, sighing. “He’s not talking to anyone but you. You might be the only way that we can get the information we need, both from Ben and elsewhere.”

“What does that mean, Master Yoda?” Rey asked, confused.

“It means that I want you to come closer,” Yoda said, motioning for her to move to the chair next to him. “I wanted this to happen naturally, but we have no time for that. Is your shoulder still causing you a lot of pain?”

“Yes,” Rey said, sitting down next to him. “I am very confused right now.”

“I know you are, but I need you to trust me,” Yoda said, laying a hand on her injured shoulder. “Let me know when the pain is gone.”

“What?” Rey asked, but Yoda just closed his eyes and concentrated.

Rey stared at him as the pain in her shoulder lessened and lessened until it was completely gone. “What did you just do?” she asked, wide-eyed. “The pain is gone.”

“I used the Force to heal you,” Yoda said, giving her a smile.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Rey said, surprised. “Why aren’t we doing that to heal those in the medbay?”

“Healing someone with the Force transfers some of your life energy into them. Healing everyone in the medbay would eventually kill the person that would be doing it. That is why we do not. There are other methods available to heal them.”

“Then why did you just heal me?” Rey asked. “I could have healed naturally.”

“Yes, but we need you on a mission first,” Yoda said. “You are going to Dantooine with a team to extract a couple of Resistance soldiers that are embedded in the First Order. Their mission has come to an end and they will need help getting away.”

Rey nodded, understanding that this was important. “And what master is going with me?”

“None,” Yoda said, smiling at her. “We are trusting you to handle this yourself.”

Rey’s jaw dropped. “Why?”

“Because you are strong enough to do this and the masters are needed here,” Yoda said. “Seek out Leia or Padmé. They will give you the mission details.”

Rey realized that she’d been dismissed and stood. “Thank you for your time, Master Yoda.”

“Of course,” Yoda said, and when Rey was almost to the door, he called out to her.

“Yes, Master Yoda?” Rey asked, turning around to look at him.

“Remember that you are not alone. The Force will be with you.”

Rey nodded and left the room, pausing outside the door to rotate her shoulder, amazed that she felt no pain. She took a deep breath and then headed towards the command center to receive her orders. 

She was being trusted with this and she could not fail.  
  
  
  
  
**.18**

“Comparing the drawings that Rey provided of the symbols that appear in this room they are transported to with the ancient Jedi texts, I have been able to translate them to a certain extent,” Jocasta said to the gathered Resistance leadership. “And with this translation, I believe that this is not something that has been done by Snoke but by the Force itself.”

“What does that mean?” Qui-Gon asked. “Because I am perplexed as to why the Force would connect the two of them.”

“Why it is them is something that we do not yet know,” Yoda said. “But we now believe that they are a dyad in the Force.”

Everyone fell silent, the Force users contemplating that while the rest were confused, until Luke spoke. “The prophecy. You think they are the prophesied dyad int the Force.”

“I am almost certain of it,” Jocasta said. “There is only one part of the prophecy that does not make sense to me when it comes to the two of them specifically.”

“Master Yoda, can you please remind me of which prophecy you are speaking of?” Obi-Wan asked. “There are so many that you taught me over the years.”

“I do not believe I ever taught anyone this prophecy but Luke since he was the most interested in prophecies,” Yoda said, reaching for the book in front of him. “The prophecy reads as such. _Two of famous bloodlines born of the Force shall form a dyad of great importance. One born of the light who had fallen to the dark and one born of the dark who is rooted in the light. Redemption awaits for one and knowledge for the other, and they will fight together and end the Sith for good._ ”

“The one born of the light who fell to the dark is obviously Ben,” Leia said, drawing their attention to her, “but Rey was not born of the dark. And she is not from a famous bloodline.”

“That we know,” Han said, reaching for Leia’s hand. “We know nothing of her lineage beyond her parents being killed in the attack on Jakku.”

“Yes, that is true,” Luke said, turning to Yoda. “Have you had any success meditating on this?” 

“No,” Yoda said, shaking his head. “But I will continue to do so. Now, it is time to tell her about what is going on.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Obi-Wan asked. “Shouldn’t we keep this from her as we have done with her strength?”

“I understand that position,” Qui-Gon said, “but I believe that telling her is the right thing to do. If this is true and they are the prophesied dyad, then it is important for her to know. That way she can begin to understand her place in this because I am certain she would know more about it than we would.”

“Yes, I agree with that,” Yoda said. “Jocasta, will you please ask Rey to come in?”

Jocasta nodded and stood, and Padmé took a deep breath. “I am worried about her possibly being born of the dark.”

“As am I,” Luke said. “I have picked up no hints of that at all in her training.”

“She is rooted in the light completely,” Anakin said, finally speaking. “It is entirely possible that she is suppressing all of the darkness within her, just as I have learned to do.”

“Anakin is right,” Yoda said. “That is a strong possibility of what is happening.”

Jocasta returned then with Rey, and Yoda asked her to take the open seat next to Luke. “Rey, thank you for joining us.”

Rey looked around at the Resistance leadership and swallowed hard. “I don’t know what I have done to deserve being brought before the entire leadership council, but I will correct it, I swear.”

“You are not here because you have done something wrong, Rey,” Luke said. “We need to speak with you about your bond with Ben.”

“Oh,” Rey said. “Well, I’m happy to learn more about it.”

Yoda smiled at her and then told Rey what he and Jocasta had determined, and then when he read her the prophecy, Rey fell quiet. Qui-Gon could tell that the prophecy had triggered something and that they needed to know it. “Rey, what is it? And do tell us. Don’t keep it to yourself.”

Rey sucked in a shaky breath. “In my interactions with Ben in the white room, back when he was still Kylo Ren, he said something to me that I always thought was just him manipulating me. He said that I have stronger power than I am aware of and that it is anchored in the dark side. But if this prophecy is about the two of us, then it is true.”

“Interesting,” Yoda mused. “Someone dwelling in the dark could detect that while those of us in the light cannot.”

“Perhaps the only reason that he could detect it is that they are this dyad,” Han said. 

“Yes, Han, that is a possibility as well,” Yoda said. “So is the possibility that Snoke is listening in to what Ben is thinking.”

Rey shook her head immediately. “No, no one is listening to Ben’s thoughts.”

“I don’t know how you could possibly know that, Rey,” Luke said.

“I am not sure how it is that I know, but I just know that there is no one listening to his thoughts,” Rey said. “I am certain of it.”

“Listen to her,” Jocasta said. “She would know things about Ben that no one else would be able to detect because of their bond.”

“Yes, listen to her,” Yoda said. “I need to go meditate on this more. If I discover more, then I will gather us all again. Rey, you may tell Ben about what we have said if you wish. It is better that he be aware of it than not.”

“Yes, Master Yoda,” Rey said, and then everyone stood and left the room.

“Rey,” Luke said, out in the corridor. “Don’t dwell on this. Keep your mind focused on the mission to Dantooine. Rose and Paige are depending upon you.”

Rey nodded. “I will keep my focus on the mission, Master Skywalker. I promise.”

Luke smiled at her. “There is nothing to fear about this prophecy, okay? We can talk about it more later. Go speak with Ben.”

Rey nodded and headed towards her room, needing a few minutes alone before she could go tell Ben about what she had learned. 

A famous dark bloodline. 

Rey wanted no part of that but she wondered if she was going to have a choice in the end.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WRITER'S BLOCK SUCKS. I'M SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG WITHOUT AN UPDATE.

**.19**

Ben sat silently after listening to Rey explain the dyad to him, trying to process all of the information. “So what is this famous dark bloodline that you are born from then?” he finally said, and Rey sighed. 

“I have no idea. My parents weren’t Force-sensitive, both sets of my grandparents were gone by the time I was old enough to talk. Whoever it is, it goes further back than that, and with the destruction of Jakku, all the records that we could use to trace my lineage are gone.”

“Maybe meditating on it will bring about the answer.”

“Maybe,” Rey said. “Right now I need to be concentrating on this mission I’m about to lead. I’m utterly terrified over it.”

“What mission is this?” Ben asked. “You haven’t said anything about it until now.”

“I’m leading a group on a mission to the First Order base in Dantooine to safely extricate a couple of Resistance soldiers who are posing as First Order officers. They have valuable information and it is vital that I not fail.”

“Dantooine, you said?” Ben asked.

“Yes,” Rey responded.

“It’s heavily fortified,” Ben said after a moment. “But if you can get past that then it is easy to bring down the security and control systems.”

Rey laughed. “I don’t know why you think that. The main control center for all of that is in the middle of the base.”

“No,” Ben said, shaking his head. “Kylo was at Dantooine not that long ago. The control center in the middle of the base is a decoy. The actual control for the systems is in a small box right outside a security door on the east side of the building.”

Rey stared at him for a moment. “You’re certain of this?”

Ben nodded. “It’s the...fourth door if you’re coming from the south. I’m not sure what it is if you come from the north.”

Rey reached for her datapad and pulled up the map of the Dantooinian base, finding the door that Ben had described and noting that there was a small structure right next to it. “So you’re saying that is the controls.”

Ben nodded. ‘No one on the base knows that though. They’ll all go running to the decoy control center thinking that you’ll be there. The door right there will be unlocked because the systems are down, and there won’t be an officer standing guard because that would draw attention to that door.”

Rey took a deep breath and noted that on the map. “You are absolutely certain of this.”

“Kylo used to study the maps of every First Order base there was before he was sent there,” Ben explained. “He memorized them. I can recall them easily, but I don’t want to. I only told you that because you’re going there and it sounds dangerous. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Rey pulled up a communication channel and typed out a message to Anakin, asking him to please inform Paige and Rose of the new information and that would be their rendezvous point. She got a message back almost immediately asking where she got that information, and she responded simply with Ben’s name. She would tell him that Ben had Kylo’s memories of memorized maps of other bases when she returned. “Will you do something for me while I’m gone?” she asked as she set her datapad to the side. 

“What?”

“Spend some time with one member of your family. Doesn’t matter which one. Just pick one and spend a little time with them. I think it will do both of you some good.”

Ben sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“It’s a great idea,” Rey said, looking up at the clock and then standing. “We’re about to leave so I’ve got to go.”

Ben stood up too, surprising Rey. “Can I hug you?” he asked, and Rey stared at him for a moment before nodding. 

Ben wrapped his arms around her so she did the same with him, and Rey could not deny that it was the most at peace that she had been in a very long time. Everything about spending time with Ben brought her peace, and while she knew that a lot of that was the dyad, she was starting to suspect that it was more than that too. 

Rey broke their embrace and caressed the side of Ben’s face. “I’ll be back in three days, okay? And once we’re safely away and on our way back here, I’ll have someone tell you that so you’re not worried.”

“I’m going to worry until I see you again, so don’t bother them with that,” Ben said, taking a shaky breath. “Come back to me.”

“I will,” Rey said, smiling softly. “I promise.”

She caressed the side of his face one more time before walking away, and as she headed towards the command center, she allowed herself to process the thought that she didn’t want to. 

She was starting to fall for him.

Ben was someone special, whether he remembered who he was or not. He was always telling her about interesting things that he’d read about or watched on the Holonet, interested in the books that she’d recommend, and then have them read within a few days so they could discuss them. He was learning to become a person again, memories or not, and Rey really liked who that person was. 

She’d dismissed it as the dyad, but she knew it was more than that. Her connection with him had moved beyond that into one of more emotional depth, and she couldn’t lie to herself about it anymore. It terrified her. It absolutely terrified her.

And she couldn’t tell anyone about it.  
  
  
  
  
**.20**

“Anakin?”

Anakin turned at the sound of his name and saw Ben standing there, fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt and looking very uncomfortable. “Ben,” he said. “It’s wonderful to see you. This is a surprise.”

Ben swallowed hard and told himself that he could do this. Rey thought he could do this, so he could do this. “I, um, I just thought I’d come to say hello.”

“Come on in,” Anakin said, waving him forward. “Don’t worry, no one else is going to come in here.”

“What about your apprentice?” Ben asked, and Anakin sucked in a sharp breath.

“I no longer have one,” he said, staying as calm as possible. “He was cut down in Crait.”

Ben swallowed hard. “Did I kill him?”

“No,” Anakin said reassuringly. “It was a First Order officer with a vibroblade. But it is hard to think about.”

“I know what you mean,” Ben said, looking around the room. “I have a lot of memories like that.”

“Sit down, please,” Anakin said, motioning to the only chairs in the room. “Talk with me for a while.”

Ben stood there while Anakin sat down and he wanted to come up with an excuse and leave. But before he could do that, he felt the air around him change, and he turned around to find that he was in the white room again. He searched it with his eyes and spotted Rey at the other end, blood staining her tunic. “Rey!”

She looked up and noticed she was in the white room, and she was relieved. “Ben.”

“What happened?” Ben asked, walking towards her.

Anakin watched as Ben walked across the room and stopped by the wall, confused as to what was happening. “Ben,” he called out. “What are you doing?”

Rey heard Anakin’s voice and was confused. “Anakin?”

“I was in the room with him when this happened,” Ben said, looking around. “He must still be there. But that’s not important right now. What happened?”

“You were right about the controls being where they were, but there were guards at the door. We got into a firefight,” Rey said, gently moving her injured shoulder around. “I did the best I could, Ben. But I did not fully fulfill the objective.”

“What does that mean?” 

“It means Paige Tico is dead,” Rey said, her heart aching as she said it. “But Rose Tico is alive, and she has all the information that was gathered.”

“Then the mission was successful,” Ben said, but Rey shook her head.

“Paige is dead, Ben. That is not a successful mission.”

“And this is a war, Rey. There will be casualties,” Ben said. “I know that you feel like you didn’t succeed, but if you got the information, then you did.”

Rey closed her eyes. “Tell Anakin. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Rey!” Ben called out, but she broke their connection before he could say anything else. 

Ben’s chest was heaving when the training room reappeared around him, and he realized that he felt every bit of failure and sadness that Rey was feeling. Then a hand was placed on his shoulder and he jumped and turned around, seeing Anakin peering at him in concern. “Ben? What are you doing?”

“I was in the white room,” he said, trying to calm himself down. “I was talking with Rey.”

“You were in the white room?” Anakin asked. “Interesting.”

“We could hear you. Could you hear us?” Ben replied.

“No, I could just see you moving around. I didn’t hear anything. How is Rey?”

“Injured,” Ben said. “She said there was a firefight. Paige Tico is dead, but Rose Tico survived and has all the gathered information.”

“Then the mission was successful.”

“Good luck convincing Rey of that,” Ben said, and he felt his eyes prick with tears as waves of what Rey was feeling hit him again. “I think she’s about to cry.”

Anakin watched as a tear slipped down Ben’s face. “So why are you?”

“Because she is,” Ben said, reaching up to wipe it away. “I can feel everything she is feeling at the moment.”

“Interesting,” Anakin mused. “And how often does this happen?”

Ben took a couple of deep breaths and tried to center himself again. “It’s never happened before.”

Anakin watched as more tears began to slip down Ben’s cheeks. “Are you willing to go talk to Master Yoda about this?” he asked carefully. “The more we understand this dyad, the better we will know your purpose in all of this.”

“I have no purpose in all of this,” Ben said sharply. “I am done involving myself in this war.”

“Ben,” Anakin said, but Ben just shoved past him and walked out the door. 

He made his way back to the corner of the supply area where he spent his days, burying his face in his hands and beginning to sob. He sat there in agony until the sobbing eased and the crying stopped. He let his head rest against the wall, massaging his temples to try and get rid of the horrendous headache he had now, and he took a moment to send a thought in Rey’s direction. _It’s going to be okay, Rey. You did the best you could._

 _Ben?_ he heard after a moment. _Can you hear me?_

 _Yes, I can,_ Ben said, confused as to how they could be communicating like that. _But I don’t know how._

 _Must be a dyad thing,_ Rey replied. _I’m not really in the mood to talk. I feel awful._

Ben wished he was there with her so that he could hold her and let her know that it was okay, that sometimes things don’t always go the way that is planned, but that just because part of it ends tragically doesn’t mean it all does. _You got the information, Rey_ , he thought. _I know it’s hard to accept, but that’s the most important part._

Rey’s voice echoed through his mind a moment later. _I know you’re right. I know the information was the most important part to the Resistance. We lose soldiers all the time. But Rose lost her sister, and it’s my fault, and I will never believe that this was a successful mission because of that. And I don’t want to talk about this anymore._

Ben closed his eyes. _Will you at least tell me that you’re safe? Then I will leave you alone._

 _Yes, we’re safe,_ came Rey’s voice a few moments later. _And thank you. If we’d tried to go in the way that we had planned before I spoke with you, we would have all been killed. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow._

Ben felt relief wash over him and he closed his eyes, massaging at his temples again. He needed to be prepared to be there for Rey when she got back to base. She was going to need support, and while he knew she would get it from others, he felt like it was important that she got it from him too. 

He cared about her. He cared about her a lot. 

And he instinctively knew that it was more than just the dyad making him feel that way.  
  
  
  
  
**.21**

Rey had been back on base for two days before she sought out Ben, and one look at him once she did told her that he was worried about her. Ben jumped up off the floor when he noticed her approach, and he walked towards her, immediately wrapping her up in his arms. “Hi,” she mumbled, the immense sadness that she’d walked around with since the mission fading faster than she thought possible. “How is it just being with you makes me feel better?”

“I don’t know,” Ben said honestly. “But being with you makes me feel better too.”

Rey took a shuddering breath and Ben tightened his arms around her. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s okay. You needed time.”

Rey let out a hollow laugh. “I think I just needed you. You won’t make me talk about the mission.”

“Not unless you want to,” Ben said as Rey pulled back. “But I did think of something that I think I should tell someone while you were gone, and I think it involves you.”

Rey’s brow furrowed. “What does that mean?”

“Snoke,” Ben began. “Right after you got away from Kylo, he had to go before Snoke and explain what happened. And in that conversation, Snoke told Kylo that he would meet his equal soon.”

“His equal,” Rey mused. “What did Kylo think?”

“He thought the fact that someone would be his equal was ridiculous,” Ben said, smiling. “He was a bit of an arrogant prick.”

Rey laughed. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“But after Snoke said that to Kylo, that’s when we were connected,” Ben said, and Rey’s eyes widened. 

“He could know that your equal is me.”

Ben nodded. “And that puts you in a lot of danger. He’s lost me and I’m sure he knows that. But if he can get you and turn you to the dark side, then he has an apprentice again.”

“We need to go tell someone this,” Rey said, taking Ben by the hand. “Now.”

Ben fell into step next to her, but Rey didn’t let go of his hand. She told herself that it was because she needed the support while thoughts of how much danger she was in echoed through her head, but she knew it was more than that. She didn’t just need someone’s support, she didn’t just need Ben’s support. 

She needed Ben, and that thought terrified her.

They walked into the training center and Rey looked around, spotting Luke standing with Obi-Wan. “Master Skywalker. Master Kenobi.”

Luke took note of their joined hands as Ben and Rey approached, and soon Ben was recounting everything he’d just told Rey to the two older Force users. Luke and Obi-Wan exchanged worried glances at several points, and when Ben was done, Obi-Wan spoke first. “The council must be informed at once. I will go call the session.”

Luke nodded and Obi-Wan walked away, and he put a hand on both of their shoulders. “Listen to me, okay? I’m going to need you two to recount every second that you have interacted with each other from the moment that you first were connected until the moment that you knocked Kylo out in Crait, Rey. There could be clues in any interaction that you had which will help us understand how this has happened.”

“What do you mean how this has happened, Master Skywalker?” Rey asked, but Luke just shook his head. 

“I will leave that for Master Yoda. He will have a greater understanding of it than I will anyway.”

“Luke,” came Anakin’s voice, and he smiled at them.

“Go to your room, Rey. I’ll send for you once it’s time for the meeting.”

Rey nodded and Luke walked away. She squeezed Ben’s hand. “Let’s go to my room, okay?”

Ben nodded and walked with Rey to a room that was not that dissimilar to his own. Once they were inside and the door was shut, Rey sat down on her bed and patted the mattress next to her. “Sit down.”

He stood there for a moment but eventually Ben sat down next to her, and he let Rey take his hand again. “I’m going to have to talk about Kylo Ren,” he murmured.

“Yes, you are. But I will be right there with you. It’ll be alright.”

“I don’t want to think about Kylo Ren,” Ben started, continuing before Rey could get too far into cutting him off. “But I will do it to help protect you.”

Rey looked over at him with a soft smile. “You’ll do that to protect me?”

“I’d do anything to protect you,” Ben breathed out. “Absolutely anything.”

Rey reached up and caressed the side of Ben’s face. “I’d do anything to protect you too.”

They stared at each other for a moment before Ben leaned forward and brought their lips together. Rey responded to the kiss immediately, and he shifted around until his arms were around Rey’s waist, pulling her as close as he could. They kissed until they were breathless, both smiling once they broke apart. The next kiss was more passionate than the first, Rey’s hands sliding underneath Ben’s shirt, Ben’s hand moving along her inner thigh. They kept kissing, and they were so lost in each other, in how the other was making them feel, that Rey only barely heard her communicator go off. 

She broke away quickly and dove for it, barely getting her greeting out before Luke was ordering her and Ben to the command center. The link went dead before Rey could respond, and she took a deep breath before turning back to Ben. “Guess the meeting is arranged.”

Ben nodded and stood up. “Great timing.”

Rey laughed and stood as well, wrapping her arms around Ben’s waist. “Once this meeting is over and my responsibilities for the day are done,” she said, taking a deep breath, “would you be interested in continuing what we were just doing?”

Ben looked at Rey with wide eyes. “I don’t have...and I don’t know where to get…”

“Leave that to me,” Rey murmured. “Just say yes.”

She brought their lips together again and Ben felt like he had found the place he’d always been destined to call home. “Yes,” he breathed out when they broke apart. “Let’s continue this later.”

Rey smiled. “Then let’s go find out how much danger I’m in.”

“We’re in,” Ben replied. “Snoke turned Ben Solo to the dark side once. He is probably convinced he can do it again.”


End file.
